Holiday Weight

I was diligent this Christmas season not to use it as an excuse to just eat whatever whenever.  Yes, I did indulge in my favorite cookies.  Yes, I savored each bite of Chex Mix with M&Ms.  Yes, I allowed yummy treats dipped in even yummier Almond Bark.  And I was also diligent in making sure I continued hiking and moving when I wasn't munching on some delicious goodness.

That brings us to today. Wednesday Weigh Day.  Just 3 days post Christmas.  Only one pound did I gain throughout this season, and really, it may not even be the holiday weight gain.  It could just be a multitude of other factors that contribute to weight loss or weight gain. 

The most important thing is that I survived Christmas without overindulgence, without binging.  Finally I can go into the New Year without making that one resolution that I can never keep.  Instead my resolution will be to continue on this healthy journey. 

Paying Off

A true WWD this week.  The last few weeks, I have forgotten and have weighed myself later in the week, but today I remembered. 

It was not a horrible week, but not a fantastic week either.  Restaurant meals, snacks, cookies, chocolate all have been consumed, but none in excess really.  Activity has been limited but not absent.  Grocery store has been visited with fruit and salad makings at the top of the list. 

So, I wasn't sure where the scale would take me today, but thought it would stay pretty stagnant.  Lo and Behold I am 2 pounds down!!  (A grand total of 21 pounds lost) Yahoo!  I guess resisting all those temptations to take the easy way out and get my dinner from Subway or McDonald's or even the work cafeteria paid off this week. 

And now I have yet another tool to help me with my journey.  One that will make great sense.  I got myself one of them there cellular devices which has an app for a calorie counter including logging all food and exercise.  Yup, I can see the addiction starting already :)

Head is Still Above Water....But Gasping.

I'm still afloat.  Still barely.  I'm in that bobbing stage where any second could be either my final bob before I go under, or just before I get rescue.  I weighed myself this morning to find that I am holding steady.  Nothing gained which is just short of a miracle.  This past week has not been the best, but it hasn't been the worst either.  Many temptations with almost as many resistings.  No full fledged binges, and purposeful salads have made for a steady week.  Still, this is so difficult!! 

This week has already been not great with at least 3 days of eating out.  Its ever so difficult to chose the healthy options on the menu. 

One thing I have done well at this week is not buying the bad-for-me food to have in my house.  It would have totally been a candy binge kind of a week had I allowed those devilish delicacies in my house.  That is one thing I was able to resist.  If it isn't in the house, I don't eat it. 

Exercise has been nil this week.  Its been my worst exercise month yet.  So between all the eating out, the lack of exercise, and the weakened will power, I consider myself quite lucky that I didn't make the scale edge up.  Onward to next week.  I'm determined to rescue myself.

Glub Glub

I am sinking, drowning in fact.  Real fast like.  All of my Birthday excursions and friendly get togethers have really derailed me.  Back to real old habits including raiding the Bingo bin at work for Twix and Recess Peanut Butter Cups.  Restaurant meals and trips for ice cream have been way too frequent.  Food in my house has been way too sparse, which prompted me to get not one, but two, meals from the cafeteria when I worked a double.  Though I didn't make the worst choice available, I didn't make the best one either.  And because I ordered from the cafeteria, I just HAD to get ice cream for dessert (though it WAS a small portion).  Then a coworker decided to order cheese sticks, cheese curds, chicken strips, and jalapeno poppers for a 10:30 snack.  It would be rude had I declined, so I happily indulged.  And because I did that, I came home and had a bowl of cereal.  Yes, it was a bad day.

So today was bound to be better.  On my agenda was to get to the grocery store since my refrigerator is bare, and my cupboards not much better.  Instead, I found myself at the buffet.  How can a person possibly get only one dessert at the buffet?  Its impossible.  Not to mention the horrible food choices one is presented with.  Ugh. 

The cold and wind made for a nice excuse to not get out for a walk today.  However, yesterday (at work) I did go for a walk in the skywalk for 20 minutes on my lunch break.  So there is that.

Yesterday was WWD and I did weigh myself (pre-binge fest).  I'm still under 140, but just barely.  I have gained 4 pounds from my lightest weight, and if I am not careful, this can get out of control really quick.

I'm not completely under the water, yet, but I'm barely staying afloat.  Why is bad food so GOOD?  Damn.

Keeping it Real

After Thanksgiving, my Birthday, and My annual Elf Extravaganza, this week was not a good week as far as diets go.  Needless to say, my scale proved that fact to me today, but I am really OK with it.  I figure, there is only one way to go from here, and that is down (on the scale).  I just have to resume my good eating habits, resume my exercise routine (which has actually been quite good), and the numbers will hopefully reflect that. 

That being said, this past week was totally worth any gained pounds!  I had a great Birthday with great food and ice cream.  I ate more than usual, but didn't go over board in an all out binge so that, in and of itself, is a success. 

And, today, instead of saying to myself that "everything is ruined" or "I'm a complete failure", I am reframing my thinking and looking at it as a new challenge, a new goal, a new motivation.

I wasn't even going to weigh myself today because I knew I wouldn't be happy, but then thought I had better weigh myself.  Doing so would help keep it real.  I can't avoid what is, and by not weighing myself would not make the extra pounds disappear.  So I am keeping it real, and, more than that, I am keeping it positive.  This is just another trek on the journey.

Numbers No More

My last "set back" was the closest I have ever been to throwing in the towel.  This is hard work!  And frankly, a bit boring if I must confess.  Sometimes I get into that "all or nothing" thinking, and last week (actually only a day or two), it was "nothing."  Or maybe it was "all".  Either way, I was going to throw it all away just because of a few gained pounds and a few extra treats. 

But I caught myself.

And I didn't give up.  In fact, I even caught the errors in my thinking and was able to remind myself of my months of dedication, my many pounds lost, and most importantly, the healthy lifestyle I have adopted. 

So I stepped it up a notch.

I revisited my daily blog entries where I documented my food intake (I'm probably going to go back to just weekly ones now though).  I made sure I got in exercise and upped the ante by taking brisk walks on my lunch break at work, if even for a measly 20 minutes.  I added vegetables back into my diet.  And I stuck to it.

It paid off!  Back down to 137 on this WWD which is awesome.  However, I have come to realize that I am getting too obsessed with numbers again.  I did this once before and completely lost it when I couldn't reach a magical number.  Its not about the number.  Its about how the pants fit, how I feel, and giving my body the nutrients it needs. 

From here on out, I am not going to document my weight each and every WWD.  Instead, I am going to reflect on the week I had.  Though I am going to continue to weigh myself each Wednesday, I am going to do it reminding myself that several factors can account for weight gain/weight loss.  Including muscle mass, water, stool, and  yes, calories consumed. 

By the way, I have now exercised 16 days out of the last 17!  Even going for a wake-n-walk this morning!  Feels gooooooood.

Slowly Coming Back

Another day I thought I'd do a daily blog update.  One, I am bored.  Two, I want to munch.  Three, it holds me accountable.  Four, why not? 

It was a decent day today.  After work, after dinner, seems to be my toughest time.  Like I have to fill my tummy as full as it will go.  Maybe I am unconsciously hoarding food because I know I won't eat anymore until morning.  Maybe I am making up for whatever I didn't eat during the day.  Maybe I am just bored.  Most likely a combination of all 3. 

Food:
cereal
apple
bean and rice burrito (with greek yogurt as sour cream...brilliant tip!)
pineapple
1 square of dove chocolate
salad
shrimp
pork n beans
2 clementines (one was on my salad)
grapes ( a lot, but not as much as nights prior)
frozen yogurt

OK.  So I got more veggies in today, but still seems like a lot of food. 
I did go out for a 40 minute hike after work which felt amazing.  So far this month, I have made time to exercise 15 out of 20 days which is quite amazing.  A few days were only 20 or 30 minutes, but at least I got there and did a little something. 

Tomorrow I am doubling so likely no exercise tomorrow, BUT, my lunches are both packed with decent food, fruits, and veggies.

A Better Day

After my horrible day yesterday, I was bound and determined to make this day a better day.  And a better day it was.  My Danger Zone hours are still difficult, and tonight I over munched on grapes.  But overall, it was a good day.  For shits and giggles I am going to list all my food, but I don't plan on listing it everyday.  For now, though, I want to get back to being held accountable on this here blog since it has been, and still is, my most valuable tool.

Food:
cereal with strawberries
apple
bean and rice burrito
pineapples
1 cookie
1 Mandarin orange (soooo delish!)
salad
chicken breast
pork n beans
pudding
grapes and grapes and grapes.

Its kind of a lot of food, but basically all nutritious.
Plus I walked on my lunch break at work today.  Only 20 minutes, but at least it was something. 
Here is to better days ahead.

One Sinister Bite.....

Bad Day.  Very. Bad. Day.  The good news:  Those damn potato chips are now gone.  The bad news:  I ate them all.  In fact, I ate an entire bag of chips in less than 24 hours.  I feel sick, gross, guilty, and disappointed.  On top of those chips is a giant Bridgeman's Ice Cream Sundae.  Not to mention everything else I ate today. 
Let's document it all:

cereal with strawberries on top
grapes
egg and cheese on toast (with potato chips)
grapes
pudding
ice cream sundae
1/2 (or more) bag of chips
grapes

My stomach feels like it has a giant brick stuffed inside.  My comfortable fitting pants were feeling a bit tight today.  See any veggies on that list?  Nope.  I didn't have any........ 

I did walk for 50 minutes today so that is at least something. 

I even went grocery shopping today in hopes of getting healthy munchies in my house.  And I consciously made healthy choices even when pulled to buy bad-for-me stuff.

So that was my day.  Time to stop.  Its been a 3 day binge fest and it needs to stop here.  It hasn't only been bad-for-me eating; its been binging.  Both things need to stop, and I am confident that tomorow I will truly be back on track. 

It feels like starting over from step one.   Like I had cleansed my body of the bad stuff, and now that I opened those flood gates, I have to cleanse all over again.  Detoxify.

This really is a struggle each and every day.  Some days are easier than others, but each day there are temptations that could so easily end in a downward spiral back to a bing-o-rama.  I envy those who can live life without having food be their main preoccupation.  I envy those who don't have to worry about how one sinister bite of sweetness ultimately ends in uncontrollable eating.  I envy those who really can have a bag of potato chips in their cupboard without eating the entire thing in one sitting.  I envy those who so effortlessly make time for exercise......and enjoy it. 

I really thought my journey would get easier as time went on, but it hasn't.  Its equally difficult.  However, it seems that these "failures" are harder felt because it really feels like I have undone nearly 6 months of hard work in 3 measly days.  Yes, yes, I know that is not entirely true, but that is what it feels like.

For really real, tomorrow is a new day.  I will pick up where I left off and continue on this journey.

Voices

Well...........seems as though I am struggling a bit.  Feeling just a little too discouraged and the quiet voice telling myself that I have done fabulous by losing over 20 pounds is not shouting loud enough.  Instead the voice telling me to eat and eat is growing louder everyday. 

It started with my "day off" yesterday.  That old familiar refrain of "I'll start tomorrow" has started to pop into my head.  Fleeting as it may be, it is there. 

Today started out decently.  Quite well in fact.  Despite a chilly Fall day, I got myself out for 2 separate walks today totalling 100 minutes in length.  Today could have been a day that I got ahead of myself, but instead I used those walks as an excuse.  An excuse to eat.  My Danger Zone hours are in full force.  Tempting me o much that tonight I delved into that unopened bag of potato chips I had way up high in my cupboard for months.  Literally, months. 

Now, cracking open that bag of chips isn't horrible in and of itself.  Its the 3 large bowls I uncontrollably ate.  One right after the other. 

So, discouraged and now disappointed in myself.  But I am not giving up yet.  I have come too far and worked too hard to throw it all away now. 

Tomorrow I will venture to the grocery store.  Stock up on veggies and fruit and prepare for work this weekend.  Time to get back up on that horse.  Starting tomorrow.  No, starting NOW.

A Day of Rest

I am so frustrated right now!  Another Wednesday Weigh Day, and another disappointment.  This past week, I have done quite well.  Walking on my lunch breaks at work (in addition to hikes after work), several temptations resisted, healthier choices made when faced with unhealthy options.  Yeah, I really thought I had a decent week.  Maybe not a week to lose any weight, but certainly not a week to gain weight. 

Yup, another fucking 2 pounds gained!  I don't get it.  Back up to 139.

Then again, maybe I have blinders on.  Maybe I need to revisit my daily blog entries (which I really don't want to do). 

I guess I HAVE been over eating on some things.  Grapes for one.  Binging on grapes is not the worst thing in the world, but it is the habit of non stop eating that is bad.  I have noticed that my "Danger Zone" hours have crept back in, and I find myself scrounging for food.  Be it grapes or peanut antioxidant mix, yes, I admit, I have been a bit out of control. 

It is still discouraging because in spite of that, I really have remained strong.  Its been 6 whole months of my lifestyle change and I have stuck with it.

However, today I am taking a day off.  A day of rest.  No exercise to worry about.  No food obsessions.  Just a carefree day.  I am meeting up with a friend later for lunch, and I am looking forward to eating whatever the hell I want.  Probably even with a decadent dessert.

 So there, ya dumb scale!

Climbing the Ladder, But Not in a Good Way....

Argle.  This Wednesday Weigh Day post is delayed by two days. In part because I had a busy week, but also in part because I took a few steps back and didn't really want to put it all in words.

Actually, I did REALLY well with my eating despite one of the most stressful weeks of my entire life.  My food choices were awesome, and I stayed strong even though I wanted to find solace and comfort with the one thing that could make me feel better, if only temporarily.....food.  But I didn't.  I really didn't.

During that time, I had one, only one, not so great dinner which really wasn't even all that bad.  French toast with sausage.  Not horrible.  In the meantime, I resisted all desire to order a greasy burger at Culver's while picking up my mom a fish sandwich.  Instead, I went through the Wendy's drive through and ordered myself a salad.  I resisted the desire for a nummy chocolate malt from Bridgeman's (yes, again).  Instead, I put just three spoonfuls of my mom's malt in a small glass for myself. Yes, I stayed strong.

Then I weighed myself and was rather disappointed to learn I gained 2 pounds.  Back up to 137 and no longer at my goal weight.  Still, better than I was just months ago. 

So, I waited just a few days to see if perhaps that was a fluke day, and I really didn't weigh 2 pounds heavier.  But, no, I reweighed today, and yes, I am indeed 2 pounds heavier.

Disappointed, yes, but self sabotaging, no.  Yesterday I did have a moment of "I'll eat this huge cookie given to me by a coworker because I had a bad weigh-in".  I resisted it for just about an hour, but then devoured that delicious orb in no time flat.

I know many different factors can account for 2 pounds so I am not obsessing about it.....much.  My activity level has decreased quite a bit so I just need to remember to keep moving and keep eating healthy. 

Here is to a better weigh-in next week!

Achievement

Wednesday Weigh Day was one day delayed since I forgot yesterday morning.  Overall its been a decent week, food wise.  Not a decent week personally.  My mom ended up in the hospital so most of my spare time has been spent there instead of hiking, which is fine.  I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Halloween has come and gone.  It was a success for the first time in years!  Success being measured in how much (or rather how little) candy I ate.  I had a bazillion bags and boxes of goodies.  In my house.  Days before Halloween arrived.  That has been a recipe for disaster in years past as I would chow down bags and bags of candy before Halloween arrived, having to sometimes go out and buy more candy for the big day.  Not this year.  This year I was satisfied with just one Peanut Butter Cup and only 3 bags of fruit snacks (over the course of about 3 days).  I also consumed one of those tiny, individually wrapped  squares of a Milky Way while at work.  But that is it.  All other candy went into the bags of cute little witches, ghosts, and goblins.  Not one piece of candy did I eat on Halloween night.  Sacrilegious, I know.

Though exercising has been limited, my food has been incredibly good.   Even bringing my own lunches/dinner to the hospital when I visit with my mom.  Also of pride, I brought my mom a Bridgeman's Chocolate Malt.  I didn't get one for myself, but instead put about 4 spoonfuls of delicious malt into a Dixie Cup and had a little taste.  It satisfied me more than I ever thought possible.  I also had a Kit Kat bar while at the hospital. 

So, I wasn't sure what I would find when I hopped on the scale this morning.  GUESS WHAT???  I made my GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Achieved!!!  I am at 135 now.  I'm so happy, so proud, and amazed at what I was able to accomplish once I set my mind to it. 

Yes, I am patting myself on the back today :)

Life Beyond 20

After several weeks of staying at a plateau, I finally broke the 20 pound mark!  Despite an emotional last week, despite a lack of exercise, and despite not the best food choices, I lost yet another 2 pounds!!  Just one pound away from my original goal weight of 135, I now weigh in at 136 for a total of 22 pounds lost! 

Actually, after my "screw up week", I have been doing better and making way better choices.  My emotions are back in check.  I am both amazed and proud that I have allowed myself to fuck up and not end up in a complete disaster where I ultimately sabotage myself, which has been my pattern in the past.  Thus far, I have been able to get back on track after each screw up.  A friend made a good point and brought it to my attention that perhaps I have been this successful BECAUSE of the weak moments, and I am thinking that maybe that is true.

So now I am living life beyond 20.  Beyond a 20 pound weight loss.  Go me!

What a Week

Another week has passed, but this was more than just any ol' week.  This past week was probably one of my most emotional weeks, for reasons not fully known to me, since I began this whole journey.  A true test for an emotional eater.

It started with a marathon at work, working a bazillion shifts and doubles.  It ended with a children's Birthday party where I was the only child-less person there.  It got me thinking hard core about what I am missing with the whole parenting thing.  For a moment, I found myself just watching and wondering what my little kid would be doing at such a fun gymnasium Birthday party.  I watched all the other parents jumping on the trampoline, laughing, with their little human.  Parents crawling through big blow up dragons, parents jumping in a soft sponge pile, parents enjoying their role.  All the little kids yelling for their parent to "watch me!"  And all of a sudden I felt lonely answering yet another "How are your cats" question.

In between the work marathon and the Birthday party, was just raw emotion.  Tears fell willingly and unexpectedly for no real reason. 

To fill the lonely void, I did find myself reaching for food.  Cereal became my new best friend, but because I was so aware of my desire to fill my empty void, I limited myself to just one bowl of cereal at night.

Then ice cream started calling.  Loudly.  I found myself at Walgreens purchasing some good ol' Ben & Jerry's.  Just a pint.  Ben and Jerry became my therapist for the next 3 days.  Not bad; one pint in 3 days.  It could have so been gone in just one day, but it did last 3 full days.

Also during this week, exercise has been minimal.  It wasn't until a friend convinced me to go for a brisk walk did I come out of this funk.  Reinforcing how crucial exercise is for my spirit.  It is crucial.  Now, today, I sought out exercise and got in a whopping 70 minutes!

So, this Wednesday Weigh Day was sure to be horrible.  Certainly one pound would have found its way back on my butt.  Oddly when I stepped on the scale I found that I had LOST one pound!  WTF?!  In disbelief I stepped off and back on again and found what I had thought to be true.  One pound gained.  I reweighed myself about 4 times all to find the same result: one gained pound. 

Then I pooped.  So I hopped on the scale again, and it said I lost one pound again.  I reweighed myself once again with the same reading so I considered that good.  Yup, I lost another pound so am down to 138, but it isn't a solid 138 as it fluctuated up and down so much this morning.  Either way, my weight didn't suffer just for one emotional week of screwing up royally.

On the upswing now.  Keeping "moderation" in the back of my mind.  Moderation at work and at home.  Too much of anything is not good.

Worth it

A delayed Wednesday Weigh Day blog post.  I have been working TONS.  Tons, I tell you.  So I haven't really had time to give my usual update.  However, I DID have time to weigh in on Wednesday and once again have stayed exactly the same.

But because I have been working 23286 shifts in a row, I haven't had a whole lot of time to do other very important maintenance things including grocery shopping and exercising.  That being said, I haven't done horribly.  Actually, I only bought food from the cafeteria ONE time during all of that, which is still pretty amazing.  It was the first time since in May that I have ordered food from the work cafeteria so that in itself is quite admirable.

Even so, I could have made way better choices in the cafeteria.  Instead of getting the very delicious looking salad, I got the equally Delicious looking pizza slice.  (Interestingly, a coworker put back her sandwich opting for pizza after I made the decision to get pizza.) And because I got the pizza slice, I put back the carton of milk I had in my hand, and got a tall bubbly glass of Cherry Coke (which was my crack just a few months ago).  And because I had that for lunch, I had myself a nice bowl of cereal when I got home from work, which is also the first time I have done that since this whole thing started.

Initially I though that now it is going to be all down hill from here, but I know that is not the case.  First and foremost, I need to get me to the grocery store and fetch me some good food.  Secondly, I need to get my body moving during these next 3 (only 3) days off even if that means resorting to Richard in the basement.  Thirdly, I need to continue making good choices.  And I will.

For the record, that piece of pizza and pop was sooooo worth it :)

Should Wins

Often, it is hard to keep motivation and momentum going.  There is a constant dialogue between what I want to do vs. what I should do. 

I want to just lie in bed a while longer VS. I should get up and get moving.

I want to sit on the computer all day long VS. I should get something done around the house.

I want to have a couch day VS. I should get out and hike the dogs.

I want to have a ginormous piece of cake VS. I should have only a sliver.

I want a second portion of whatever food VS.  I should only have one helping.

I want to go out to eat VS. I should make something at home.

You get the drift.  Lately, the shoulds have won those competitions.  I'm hoping that pretty soon the shoulds will turn into wants, but its still a bit of a fight. 

Sweeter Things

This past week, I have allowed way more sweets/treats/snacks than previously allowed.  Instead of listing those things in which I resisted (there were a lot!), here are the things I indulged in:

• 2 restaurant meals, one including french fries.
• about 4 pieces of strawberry shortcake
• a tiny sliver of Better Than Sex Cake
• a large peanut butter M&M cookie (from the cookie lady)
• Many uncontrollable handfuls of chocolate granola/nut mix

I think that is about the gist of the worst of it.  So come today, my Wednesday Weigh Day, I prepared myself for a big let down when I figured I would see my scale climb a few pounds.  In fact, my fears even followed me into my dream last night.  However, I knew it was coming, and had prepared myself with positive self talk of "I'll do better this week".

BUT, my scale did NOT climb!!  I stayed the same.  In part because between all that strawberry shortcake was a lot of veggies, fruit, and whole grains.  In part because I pushed myself to head out for hikes even on days I didn't wanna.  In part because I used that magical thing called "moderation".  The day I had my first piece of strawberry shortcake, I SO wanted a second piece, but I resisted, and had only the one piece.  The day of the Better than Sex cake, I wanted a whole ginormous piece, but took just enough for about 3 or 4 bites, and it satisfied me.  I was proud; I am proud. 

Finally, I get it.  Finally I realize that it really is all about moderation, healthy eating, and exercise.  I really CAN eat a treat every now and again without having to increase my jean size.  Its about balance and self control.  I think I finally got it!

Holding Steady

Another week gone by without doing my daily food journal.  Surprisingly, I have held steady.  Nothing gained, nothing lost this last week.  And, that my friends, is another success.   I am maintaining my healthy eating habits, adding fresh veggies and fruit into almost every meal, and taking advantage of the free gym I call nature.  Plus, I have YET to get food from the cafeteria which is quite amazing I might add.  Of course that means that nearly every day shift I go into work, I pack for 2 lunches just in case a double presents itself.  But, by golly, it has worked and I have not succumbed to the chicken strips or pizza that used to tempt me every meal.

My roller blading has taken a backseat since its cooler and leaves cover the trail, but I have been hiking whenever possible.  The other day, before work, I pushed myself and headed out for a "wake-n-walk" walk.  Sometimes I forget that I can go for a walk without the dogs.

Well, here's to another great week!

Good Week

Well, its another WWD.  I'm holding steady at 139 so that is great!  This past week of not writing daily in my blog was a test of my will power, and I wasn't sure if I could succeed without having that daily accountability.  I must say that the first day, I did sink into some bad mentality thinking "Hmmm, I don't have to blog about this so I can eat what I want".  However, I quickly corrected that thinking by first becoming aware of it, and second not listening to it.  So this past week was super successful (probably one of my most successful weeks in a long time).  I'm eating healthier than I have ever eaten, allowing tiny delicacies (I had one square of a Dove chocolate yesterday), and am keeping myself accountable.  I'm happy and proud.

See ya next week!

Weaning Myself, Maybe.

I'm thinking I might ease back on my blogging.  See how it goes.  Maybe just do the Wednesday Weigh Day entries and kind of just blog on how the whole week went.  If I get off track, I'll have to start back on the daily entries, but I'm going to see if maybe I can start to wean myself off the daily blogs.  I might sneak a few in there here and there, when I am particularly proud, or particularly ashamed, or just bored.  But, I think I have it pretty much under control for now and weekly blogs might work out pretty good.

I'm scared though.  Scared that not daily blogging will lead to unaccountability, but we'll see how it goes.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

bean and rice burrito
carrots

pudding

egg and cheese on toast
pineapple and melon (I went shopping today!)

bowl of frozen yogurt.

Doing OK

OOOOOOkkkkkk.  I did good today despite having an emotional kind of day AND 2 gatherings with lots of food. 

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

jello salad

cottage cheese
PB&J
handful of peanut M&Ms
yogurt
a few pieces of turkey

I ate nothing at the after funeral eat-a-thon including no dessert.  Quite happy with myself there.  Then the bonfire happened.  I did pretty decent considering what I normally would have consumed

chips and salsa (about 15 chips total)
2 S'mores (and it wasn't even really worth it to be honest.  They were disappointing)
Then I had 3 very small Special K bars.  They were very small and were the equivalent of maybe one regular sized bar. 
Plus I had a Mike's Hard Lemonade. 

So, yeah, not horrible, and definitely controlled eating!!  I'm happy with it.

Activity:
hike 60 minutes

Holding Myself Captive

Working afternoons SUXX.  It sucks so bad because I am held captive by mself to not leave my house.  Therefore, I don't get any exercise in on the days I go to work in the afternoon.  Now, of course there is the other side of the story that I am too tired to do exercise after work when working day shift, but I usually can pull myself out of that and do end up going for even a brief walk. 

Anyway, yesterday and today are sedentary.  I'd like to overcome this self captivity and emerge from the house to get in a little walk or even do bring myself to get my Richard fix before heading out the door.  Until then, I will just get in some surfing.....ya know, the Web.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

turkey sandwich
jello salad
veggies and dip

pudding

bean and rice burrito
jello 

yogurt

granola bar

Another WWD

Stepping on the scale this morning produced some anxiety.  That was quickly dispelled when I peeked down and saw that  the scale did not increase or decrease from last week!  I was so happy, and surprised.  Last week was not my best week food wise after having a malt and a few mini binges.  Couple that with decreased activity, which is why I was certain I would have put at least one pound back on.  But, happily, I stayed the same.

On to this week.  I am reminding myself that I am not invincible, reminding myself to make those healthy choices, while also reminding myself that an occasional indulgence is perfectly acceptable.  And I have proof to back that up! 

I work this afternoon so I will write food already consumed along with projected food to be consumed later on.

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

5 strawberries

turkey sandwich
veggies with dip
jello salad

bean and rice burrito
jello salad
carrots

granola bar

Buddy System

Having buddies who are going through the same journey as I am is so helpful to make for a successful journey.  Or at least having buddies who are supportive and know not to invite me out every day for ice cream (though I still want to be invited out for ice cream once in a while).  I spent today with a friend who is embarking on her own healthy journey, and to my delight, she invited me out for a hike today instead of out to lunch. 

Food just seems to be part of the culture, especially as you age.  What else do you do but go out to lunch with your friends?  Of course, there ARE alternatives.  And, of course, there are healthy options to get at the restaurant, but it isn't always easy.  More often than not, I end up eating more than needed even when going into it with an attack plan.

So I appreciate my buddies who support me and who encourage me to be better, healthier.  Those who understand when I decline an offer for lunch, or ice cream, or a simple snack.  Those who don't pressure me to "c'mon, have just one", or "one won't hurt you", or "you don't need to lose weight".  I know my own body, and I know when I CAN have just one, or when one WON'T hurt me, and the bottom line is that I am not even doing this for weight loss (well, yeah I am), but for overall personal health and well-being.

I appreciate my buddies who have spent painstaking hours listening to me talk about food, weight, health, my poop, and my journey.  And for those who read my blog.  I appreciate those who are honest with me when I happen to get get a little too focused and crazy and who do remind me that one meal of hamburger and fries in 3 months really is OK.

With that, I simply say "Thanks".

So Far So Good.....as Tonight Goes

Today has been a pretty successful day.  Decent exercise, decent eating, and now that I am actually IN the Danger Zone, I feel good.  I don't feel the need to eat so I am petty confident that tonight will be good.  Its a day-by-day venture and no two days are the same. 

By the way, tomorrow is WWD (Wednesday Weigh Day...now abbreviated).  I am fearful that I may have gained a pound or two.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.....

Food:
cereal with blueberries

nectarine

granola bar

salad
cottage cheese
jello salad

egg and cheese on toast
jello salad
peas and carrots with dip

pudding

Activity:
65 minute hike

Could Always Be Better

Hanging in there during this Danger Zone time, but it could always be better. 

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

grapes

salad
1/2 turkey sandwich
grapes

pudding

salmon patty which was very gross.  I have decided I will not eat them anymore.  It was painful!
peas and carrots

frozen yogurt

granola bar

Activity:
50 minute hike.

Agony of Defeat

Well, I didn't beat that evil snack drawer I blogged about last night.  I did not edit last night's blog and decided to give my wayward ways a blog all to itself.  I felt it was more honest and more accountable.  So, after I blogged last night, I faltered.  It wasn't Horrible, but it certainly wasn't good.  I rationalized it last night because I was 1.)  hungry 2.) tired 3.) anxious 4.) stressed 5.) sad and finally 6.) out of my routine.  However, today I know that even though I was feeling all of those feelings, it is no excuse to cope with food the way I did.  I knew going to my friend's house was dangerous with that snack drawer, and unlike last time, I had no intention of binging.  And, honestly this wasn't a huge binge.  Still it proves that weakness is ever present.  So here is the list of food I snaked on all after midnight last night.

piece of muffin toast with PB
gogurt (which I did blog on my other blog)
several handfuls of jelly beans (I opted jelly beans over chocolate......)
several handfuls of goldfish crackers
granola bar

and I think that is it.  Though it wasn't horrible awful, it was still out of control eating as well as emotional eating. 

My goal today is to simply not binge, or rather, to eat mindlessly, especially after 6:00 PM.  Here Goes!

I Win this Time

Back to work means back to working doubles which I did today.  I prepared and packed two lunches "just in case", but I also veered from my own food and helped myself to some snacks from the unit.  Haven't done that in a while, but I am being accountable and writing them down.  Here goes

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

watermelon

granola bar

turkey sandwich
carrots with dip
pudding

scooby snacks (like teddy grahams)

salad
yogurt
1/2 PB sandwich

more scooby snacks

gogurt

Activity:
not much, but I did play DDR with the kids at work. 

And now, after work, I am at my friend's house watching her kids sleep while she is at the hospital with her dying mom.  The Snack Drawer From Hell is faintly whispering to me, but I will NOT give in.  Tonight I win this fight!  I AM hungry though, and could go for something decent......but snacks will not do. 

So that was my day.  That is all she wrote.

The Munching Habit

The Danger Zone, for me, has been so real.  I wanna munch All. Night. Long.  Thankfully the past few nights I have been munching on grapes and peas.  Yes, that does call for lots of aromatic tooting, but it a relatively healthy choice.  However, the habit of mindless munching has resurfaced, and had there been alternative munchies around, they, too, would be in my belly.  Its always been my toughest time, my weakest time.  Not sure what it is.  The only conclusion I can come up with is that I am stuffing myself before bed so that I am not hungry and so that I can go 10 or more hours without being famished.  Its that whole feast or famine mentality, and though I know it exists, I can't dispel it. 

Food:
cereal with blueberries

few bites of  nectarine

turkey sandwich
grapes
peas (no dip)

granola bar

grapes

salad
7 shrimp
few pineapples with grapes

more and more grapes

large bowl of frozen yogurt

Activity:
Just a 30 minute walk around my block.

Taking a Day Off

Today was my last day of vacation so I decided to take the day off.  Kind of.  I came to the realization that I have not gone out to lunch with my mom since before June so I initiated a lunch invite today.  We went to Bridgeman's where we split a Club House and a Malt.  Oh yeah, and fries.  It was so nummy and so worth it.  Back to work tomorrow......overall I did a fantastic job with my food choices on my 3 week vacation and am proud of that!

Food:
cereal with blueberries

1/2 club house
1/2 malt
1/2 order fries

grapes

light dinner with cottage cheese
grapes and pineapple
peas and carrots (no dip)

pudding

Activity:
40 minute hike
50 minute walk along the lake shore.  So beautiful!  The water is "warm" by Lake Superior standards, and so calm today.  Plus I get the bonus free foot exfoliation which is very needed ;)

Knee Deep in Water

Another active day, but I think I counter acted it with some bad food choices.  Actually my food choices were really good with the exception of that fricken antioxidant mix crap.  Its all gone now though so it shouldn't be a bother anymore.  I guess I can't buy it anymore :(

Food:
cereal with blueberries

handfuls of nuts/chocolate

just a few grapes

1/2 turkey avocado wrap with fruit as a side

2 eggs scrambled
one piece of toast with PB&H
pineapple and grapes

the rest of the nuts/chocolate mix

frozen yogurt

more grapes

Still had the munchies so ate some peas (with no dip)

Activity:
Roller blade 40 minutes
hike 30 minutes
another walk on the beach 50 minutes (probably the best workout since I walked knee deep in the water for most of the way back.  I was huffing!)

Back Under the Magical Number

Another Wednesday means another day I step on the scale.  This week was a successful one.  I am back under that magical number of 140 and now am officially at 139.  Hopefully I can sustain it this time around.  I would like to lose just a few more pounds so that I have "insurance" and can officially say I lost 20 pounds (I have lost 19), but if I never went up or down from where I am right now, I'd be OK with that.

Today was a very active day, but I also gave in to the devil when I allowed myself to buy more of that anti-oxidant mix.  Damn, why did I give in to that?!? 

Food:
cereal with blueberries

nectarine

salad
cottage cheese
corn on the cob (Delish!)

2 handfuls of that antioxidant mix
pudding

egg and cheese on toast
veggies and dip

bowl of grapes and pineapple

more and more and more of that antioxidant mix :(

Activity:
roller blade for 25 minutes
mowed lawn for 45 minutes
about a 50 minute hike.

Strong for Now

Between my healthy eating/weight loss journey, my new novelty underwear fetish, my new hair-do, and having several people I care about struggle with health issues, this summer has certainly been a summer of self discovery.  Who knew underwear could have such an impact, but man, I love 'em. 

Also, I finally feel more comfortable in my own body and have a better appreciation for what a healthy and reasonable weight really is.  Its been over 3 months with only one huge slip up.  I'm really hoping this has been a change that will stay forever.  I finally feel confident and strong enough to go out to eat and make decent choices.  I also feel like I can treat myself every now and again and not have it lead into horrible eating habits again.  It is a fear, though, that my strength will subside eventually, but for now, I am strong.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

corn on the cob (so goooood)
bean soup
bowl of fruit

pudding

corn on the cob (not so good)
veggies with dip
turkey burger

bowl of fruit (soooo good)

Activity:
A pretty active day that started with an hour hike
add some gardening in there for about 1/2 hour
then add another leisure walk for about a total of 1/2 hour or so.

Falling Into Fall

Wasn't feeling top notch today, but still went out for a hike which was good.  Fall is my favorite time of year to be out, and seeing that I only have a few days left of my vacation, I want to get out and enjoy every chance I get.  Food wasn't horrible today either.  I turned down an offer for a malt and also mom's home cooking again.  It wasn't that hard to decline since I wasn't feeling 100%.  Oh, and I also went grocery shopping today which is always nice to know I have healthy munchies.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

nectarine

salad
bean soup (from a can)

granola bar

shrimp
another salad
yogurt fruit smoothie that I made

grapes
cherries

activity:
50 minute hike

Mom's Home Cooking

I had some of my mom's home cooking today which, I believe, is the first time I had it in over 3 months.  It tasted so nummy, and I did great with portion control which is what it is really all about.  I did eat more sugar and chocolate than I should have today, but now it is all gone from my house so it should be a bit easier to avoid.

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

PB&H
carrots, peas and dip
small portion of canned fruit cocktail

chocolate chips (the rest of the bag....it wasn't a whole bunch, but a good 2 handfuls)
3 Starburst candies (they are gone now too)

Mom's home cooked beef roast
mashed potatoes and gravy
corn
all appropriate portion sizes!

a bite size mini Heath bar (the tiniest size)
Frozen yogurt

Any more I eat tonight, I need to edit this blog otherwise this is it!

Activity:
10 minute bike ride (to fetch my car)
30 minute hike

Night Out

I am going out on the town tonight so am likely not going to list all that I eat and/or drink.  Thought I'd get down what I have consumed so far today.

Oh yeah, I haven't been entirely honest.  Sometimes after blogging, I eat another "snack", and I don't edit.  So my new rule is I either have to edit or not eat that snack.  So yesterday I had about 15 Starburst candies post blog.

So far today:
cereal with blueberries

handful of nuts/chocolate chips

turkey sandwich
salad
small portion of pineapple

pudding

Anticipating dinner at Clyde Iron
and drinks following

Activity:
 65 minute roller blade

Nervous Energy

A decent day with decent exercise and pretty good food control.  I'm a little more anxious than usual lately, and I don't know what to do with such nervous energy.  For some reason, food eases that anxiety if only temporarily.  If not the food itself, than the simple act of putting hand to mouth and repeatedly chewing provides some sort of relief.  Even with that, I have been doing not so shabby.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

bowl of fruit (melon, pineapple, cherries)
salad
cottage cheese

nectarine
handful of chocolate chips

turkey burger
veggies and dip
fruit (melon and pineapple)

pudding?  I can't remember if I had it or not....

large bowl frozen yogurt

Activity:
40 minute roller blade
45 minute hike

Chocolate is the Devil

A decent day today.  I'm hanging in there.  Barely some days, but hanging in there nonetheless.

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

bowl of fruit

turkey sandwich
veggies and dip

few chocolate chips

granola bar
nectarine

salad
bowl of fruit
cottage cheese

pudding
handful of chocolate chips

Those damn chocolate chips!!

Activity:
limited today, but I did hike about 30 minutes, plus I hoofed it at the mall today which counts for something....

No, Today!

Just enough time for my food list today.  However, I will say that some old thoughts are creeping back in and it is getting harder to stay focused, especially while on vacation.  I hear some old thoughts of "tomorrow" creeping on in, but a few times I remember telling myself, "no, today".  As in "I will do better tomorrow".......

Oh yeah, it is Wednesday Weight Day.  I'm holding steady at 140.  Nothing gained, nothing lost.  I can handle that especially with some not great food choices this past week and a half.

But here is my today:

cereal with blueberries

1/2 turkey sandwich
a nummy salad
bowl of fruit (cherries, melon, pineapple)

pudding
handful of nuts with chocolate chips

turkey hot dog thing
veggies with dip
bowl of fruit

handful of chocolate chips
about 12 starburst candy

I declined all snacks at the movie theater....though I really wanted popcorn.

Activity:
60 minute walk

Setting Goals Again

My goals for today were 1).  No chocolate and 2). no binging in the danger zone.  Both were successful however I did falter in that I did have pizza :(  But overall it was a successful day, and I went grocery shopping so that is good too.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

3/4 personal pizza from Pizza Hut (but I declined all offers of chocolate and Birthday cake!)
small portion of a variety of fruit.

turkey sandwich
cherries

one eggo with PB
cherries

Activity:
65 minute roller blade

Re-Entering the Danger Zone

The past few nights I have struggled with my danger zone yet again.  That time after about 5PM is dangerous and I reaaaaallllly want to eat, and eat a lot.  I have staved off a full fledged binge, but this time is a very weak time for me.  Not sure how I conquered it before......at any rate, I need to reconquer it.
Food:
Cereal with blueberries

one sausage patty

yogurt
peas and carrots

handful of nut and chocolate mix

7 shrimp
peas and carrots
canned fruit cocktail

pudding with strawberries

about 12 starburst candies

handful of chocolate chips........
handful of nut mix

Hopefully that is it for tonight.  Welcome to the Danger Zone.

Activity:
Lawn mow 45 minutes
hike 25 minutes
lawn mow 20 minutes

Remaining Accountable

Some days writing this is a chore, but I still like to get at least a little something down so that I remain accountable.  My blog really is my greatest tool.

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

granola bar

1/2 turkey/avocado wrap
fresh fruit

handful of nuts with chocolate chips

2 pieces of toast with PB&H
small portion mandarin oranges

frozen yogurt

Activity:
nice hike for 60 minutes

Getting Back Up

Life resumed as normal today which was a good thing.  A great thing.  Back to moving around, back to eating normally, back to life.  Back to life, back to reality......but I digress. 

I realized that I need to get up and get moving.  I feel so much better when I get cracking right out of bed rather than sitting on the computer for hours before getting moving.  If I learned anything, I learned that.  Once in a while, though, it is nice to take a day off from life.

Food:
cereal with blueberries

PB & H sandwich
peas and carrots

pudding with strawberries

handful of nuts with chocolate chips

chicken stir fry over brown rice
mandarin oranges

nectarine

more nuts with chocolate chips and dried cranberries

Activity:
roller blade 50 minutes
hike 40 minutes
walk on beach 45 minutes

Back to Basics

My general goal of today was simple, and it was my first goal I had when I embarked on this journey.  "No binging".  Last night's binge fest was so eye opening.  It was a giant reminder that I can slip back into old habits so quickly and so effortlessly.  It has been forever since I had such a binge-athon (since way before I even began this whole thing), and now I feel like I have slipped back to square one. 

It sucks, and I feel horribly about it, but I did not let that pave the way for another day of binging today.  Though I had a quiet, kind of meloncholy, type of day, I did not binge away. 

I also need to get to the grocery store.

I was not exactly motivated to blog tonight, but I thought it was critical to do so today of all days.  A few times throughout the day, I actually considered "giving up".  Giving up on my blog, but then I thought HELL NO.  So here I am, blogging my day.

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

chicken teriaki burrito with veggies
grapes and cherries

pudding with strawberries

a few grapes

handful of nuts

nectarine

turkey burger
peas

frozen yogurt

Activity:
nada, zip, zilch.  I took a day off.  A day off from life.  Tomorrow I resume life as usual.

Too Good for Too Long

Today was a disaster.  The worst day since my journey into health-dom.  Old habits, old thinking patterns, a full fledged binge-o-rama.  A very disappointing day.  Very disappointing.  Yet, I continue to binge on Skittles and M&M's as I write this blog.......Its a done deal.  Might as well continue on. 

I did well up until about sundown.  Then the munchies hit and I listened to them.  First over indulging on grapes, cherries, and peanuts.  That quickly spiraled to ice cream and now a raid on the candy drawer where I am babysitting while my friends are out having fun.

Yes, it was a "poor me" kind of a day.  A day I felt lonely.  A day where I observed irrational thoughts.  Not sure if this led to my binge fest, but I'm sure it contributed.  I had it planned out, too.  When I agreed to babysit tonight, I thought of the giant snack drawer awaiting me.  Once the little darlings got into bed, I helped myself to the jackpot of all jackpots. 

I don't want to write all my food down, but I will try to see if maybe I can: 
cereal with strawberries

bowl of grapes/cherries

chicken/veggie stir fry
more fruit

pudding

handful of peanut mix (no chocolate this time)

egg/cheese on toast
more fruit
snap peas

then the binge started:
more peanut mix
dried cranberries
more peanut mix
grapes
frozen yogurt with chocolate and whipped cream
more frozen yogurt (without the toppings)
more grapes
then the candy fest:
MANY bags of snack size M&Ms and M&M minis
one bag of snack size Skittles
Starburst
sweet tarts
smarties
(The bottom 3 I don't even love)
And I want a DQ blizzard.  BUT, I will NOT get one on my way home.  NO WAY!

Earlier today I was proud of turning down a malt while at my mom's house.  Hell, I should have said Yes.

Activity:
I did start out with an hour roller blade
also I hiked the dogs for 40 minutes

One horrible day in nearly 3 months isn't bad, however, I see how easy it is to slip into old habits, familiar habits, comforting habits.  And yet, I am continuing to take breaks from blogging to raid the snack drawer.  It isn't a good day.  I feel incredibly guilty and extremely disappointed in myself.  Yet I don't stop.

Searching yet again for that successful tomorrow.  Searching for that and a spot to hide the evidence of my raid on a friend's snack drawer.......

And now I had to edit.  I just got done wolfing down those devilish fruit snacks.  Let it be known that the Dora fruit snacks are far superior to the Thomas the Tank fruit snacks.  I'm getting sick.

And now let's add in potato chips :(

Back on Track

Foiled plans for tomorrow actually came as a relief to me.  My plans were for the State Fair where I KNEW I'd have a binge fest of fried fair goodness.  Today I got back on track and intend to keep  rolling on the healthy food train.

It is, of course, Wednesday Weigh Day.  I gained one pound from last week so now am at that magical number of 140. 

Though I have been dropping plenty of dookies today so perhaps I had a pound (or more) of fecal matter.  Boy oh boy, just a few days of out-of-my-routine eating sure messed with my bowel.  Today kicked it back into gear, though so I should be good until the next greasy adventure.

Food:
Cereal with raspberries (the last of my crop I think)

bowl of fruit (watermelon, grapes, cherries)

salad
1/2 peanut butter sandwich
more fruit

pudding with strawberries

handful of almonds

chicken and veggie stir fry over brown rice
cherries and grapes

small bowl of frozen yogurt

Activity:
45 minute hike
30 minute walk

VaVaVaVacation!

A road trip can ruin a healthy "diet" real quick like.  Real quick.  Only I didn't do TOO badly.  With a car loaded with good fruit for car snacks, and a healthy conscience mind, I did pretty darn OK.  The first day, we ate at decent restaurant where we ordered deep fried pickles and split a turkey sandwich with sweet potato fries.  Not the best option, but also not the worst.  Plus, I was on vacation!  The pickles weren't really worth it, but glad I tried 'em. 

I was doing A-OK until I decided I wanted ice cream.  I ordered this "grasshopper pie" thing that consisted of mint chocolate chip ice cream with an Oreo crust that was doused in average hot fudge.  It sounds much better than it tasted, though I did eat nearly the entire thing so it couldn't have been that bad :)

Then there was today.  It started with a carb filled breakfast of a belgian waffle topped with canned strawberry pie filling.  It was alright.  I ate 3/4 of it, munched on fruit and trail mix throughout the day, and then had the biggest, greasiest ending to a fun vacation.  I got myself a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a Pepsi.  It tasted might fine going down, and is currently sitting in my stomach like a giant grease ball.  That was worth it!

Now my road trip is over, but my vacation is not.  So I intend to get back on track with better eating and am going to be diligent to make healthy choices.  I had a few days of indulgence, and I intend to have it stop. 

Back on track tomorrow.  For Real.

Could Be Better

Not a fantastic day, but I guess it could always be worse.  Not much exercise today and also, I kinda stuffed myself full of fruit in addition to over
indulging on way more than my fair share of that devilish "antioxidant mix".  Chocolate, man.  Its the devil.  Once I get a taste, I keep going back for more.

So here is my day:
cereal with blueberries

small salad

bowl of fruit

turkey sandwich
bowl of fruit
veggies and dip

chocolate pudding with strawberries

antioxidant mix
antioxidant mix
antioxidant mix
and so it goes.....

Activity:
mowed lawn 45 minutes

An Adventure for my Tummy

Things haven't been horrible, but they could always be better.  I'm reallllly nervous for my vacation that I will ruin my new found healthy habits.  I am heading on a camping trip and also to the state fair where there is fried goodness around every corner.   Plus I have a bachelorette party to worry about too, but my plan is to have a plan and hopefully follow it.

Yesterday could have been bad, but it turned out pretty darn good.  I went on a road trip to Minneapolis, but did decent with my eating. 

I had cereal with raspberries in the morning

many handfuls of almonds

sandwich and vermicelli noodle salad from the Jasmine Deli in Minneapolis which turned out to be an adventure for my tummy.  I tried many new foods including Tofu, Mock Duck (both of which I judged simply because I don't like their name) and also a spring roll (which I did not particularly care for).

Then I had more almonds

and I topped it off with a fruit smoothie from McD's.  Not bad for a road trip.  Plus, I walked all over the Mall of America.

Today started out great with a roller blade (my longest of the season) and a hike with the dogs.  Then we had a spaghetti benefit for my very well deserved coworkers.  I knew I would be faced with so many delicious goodies so I had a plan and it worked!!  I ate a nice lunch before going, I kept busy at the benefit, and I didn't eat ONE BITE of ANYTHING!  Super happy with that!!

Todays food:
cereal with blueberries

turkey sandwich
watermelon/cherries/pineapple

two handfuls of antioxidant nut/chocolate mix

2 pieces of PB toast
bowl of fruit

Activity:
60 minute roller blade
30 minute hike

Under 140!

I made it!  I made it under 140!!  I was so happy to hop on the scale to see I now weigh 139 pounds for a total of 19 whole pounds lost!!!  Happy Wednesday Weigh Day.  I thought for sure I would not have lost anything or perhaps even gained a pound or two, but I had a very pleasant surprise to learn I finally made it under 140.  This is the first time in several years that I have been in the 130's and it is worth all those turkey sandwiches and salads I have been eating!  Woop Woop.

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

PB & H
veggies
pineapple and watermelon

handful of antioxidant mix

salmon burger (my first time trying one......not sure that I loved it)
veggies
cherries/watermelon/pineapple

frozen yogurt (or pudding) I haven't quite decided yet :)

Activity;
mowed lawn 15 minutes
hiked 50 minutes.

Indulging

I had my first "bad" food today.  For the first time in over 3 months, I indulged.  And you know what, I am not guilty ONE BIT.  In fact, I am quite PROUD.  I'm proud because I didn't let that one indulgence ruin my whole evening.  I had a very fleeting thought of, "hey I can run to the DQ now because I screwed up", but that was very very fleeting.  And my "bad" food wasn't even bad at all.  I had 1/2 of a grass fed burger and 1/4 helping of french fries!  I was proud that I was able to allow myself to indulge and not enter into a bingo-o-rama afterwards.  I can do it!

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

cup-o-fruit from work (small)

turkey sandwich
veggies/dip
cherries/pineapple

nectarine

small portion of antioxidant peanut mix

1/2 grass fed burger and 1/4 serving fries

medium serving of frozen yogurt (instead of DQ)

Activity:
mow lawn 45 minutes
about 20-25 minute walk

Prepping for Work

T'was a good day today.  I had a busy morning running errands which also included running to the grocery store planning for a weekend at work.  That being said, I may or may not double one, two, three, or four days coming up so I may or may not get on my computer to blog.  Let's assume all goes well, and if I goof up, I'll be sure to blog it.  I bought veggies, fruits, turkey sandwich makings, and salad makings for my work marathon.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, however, only 6 more working days until 20 glorious days of vacation!!!!!

Food:
cereal with raspberries

small portion cottage cheese
1/2 turkey sandwich
cherries

watermelon

handful of an "antioxidant" assortment of almonds, dark chocolate, dried cranberries, and raisins (So gooooood!)

egg and cheese on toast
pineapple and cherries
veggies and dip

few raspberries

Medium bowl of frozen yogurt
sugar snap peas

Activity:
35 minute hike with the dogs
45 minute hike with friends

The Difference Between Fruit and "fruit"

Tonight I went out to dinner with a friend.  We were originally going to go to my new favorite restaurant that serves all organic food with homegrown ingredients.  But out plans took a detour and we ended up eating at Country Kitchen.  Wow!  I never noticed the difference before between good, wholesome food and crap. 

I stayed on the healthy side of things and settled for a dry grilled chicken breast with a side of "fruit" as opposed to the ever so tempting fries.  Well, the "fruit" I got was canned fruit cocktail of some kind.  At the other place, I get a nice serving of organic fruits including a banana, strawberries, pineapple, and melon.  Instead, I got a sugary concoction of flavorless fruit.  Nonetheless, I am still proud of my meal choice and having had passed up the mouth watering burgers.

Today at the DQ, a portion of the proceeds from all Blizzards goes to the children's hospital.  Boy oh boy, a blizzard was calling my name All. Day. Long.  I suggested a DQ treat after our dinner tonight, but we opted not to go afterall.  Its a good thing, I guess.

Its imperative that I get to the grocery store.  I'm all out of my fresh fruits and the season is coming to an end here pretty darn quick. 

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

turkey sandwich
broccoli and carrots with dip
a few blackberries

pudding with raspberries

the dry chicken breast on focaccia bread
side of "fruit"

blackberries
handful of assorted nuts

Activity:
a nice 55 minute rollerblade
15 minute lawn mow
total 70 minutes

Paddling and Almonds

Today was a fun day that started out with me eating 2 bowls of cereal.  It has been a long time since I allowed myself to have 2 bowls of cereal, but I caved and did this morning.  I still have that thought in my head that when I leave my house, I have to be stuffed to the brim in case I don't get a chance to eat again.  This morning, I was heading out to a grand adventure of paddling white water and wanted to be sure I didn't get starving while out on the river for 3 hours.  Nevermind I was bringing myself a sandwich and a granola bar.  So, I stuffed myself with 2 bowls of cereal.

Later on this evening, I also got into out of control mode when I ate the entire portion of very delicious almonds given to me by a friend.  I should have been able to eat just a handful of them, but instead, I ate the entire contents of the bag which was more like 5 handfuls.  Theyse almonds were so nummy though!  Dark chocolate flavored almonds!  Super nummy, but apparently too  nummy for me to have in the house since I couldn't (or wouldn't) stop myself from eating them all gone!

Otherwise it wasn't a horrible day.  It is Wednesday Weigh Day today and I didn't gain or lose.  Its OK.  I am holding steady at 140. 

Food:
2 bowls of cereal with raspberries

peanut butter and jelly sandwich

raspberries

turkey burger on light bun
veggies in dip

chocolate pudding with raspberries

those damn almonds

Activity:
2 1/2 hours paddling the St. Louis River

20 minute leisure walk

Old Habits

Its a rough evening tonight.  Rough in the sense that I want to eat.  BAD!  In fact, I have been eating.  Eating nonstop since coming home from work.  Its a mini binge, but on mostly healthy things.  The problem is that my tummy is full and I continue to eat, continue to think about what I can eat next, and, yes, the thought of running to the DQ has crossed my mind.  This is one of my hardest evenings in a very long time.  Yet today at work, I turned down a cookie from the Cookie Lady and a piece of Dove chocolate from a coworker.  Then I came home and started making excuses why I am not exercising tonight.  "I'm too tired".  "Its too windy".  "I deserve a break".  And then old habits started creeping in and it is taking all I have to keep my positive talk going.  But I did succumb.  It was not mindful eating at all.

Its only been 2 hours since I have been home from work and in this time I have eaten: a handful of assorted nuts with dried cranberries, several raspberries, my dinner which consisted of a bean/rice/chicken burrito and veggies and dip, a large helping of frozen yogurt with raspberries and another mindless portion of more raspberries.  Now, I know raspberries are not a binge fest, but it is certainly the behavior that snuck in today.  Had I had anything else available, I would have binged on it.  And, oh, I just remembered I have my niece's Starburst candy in the cupboard.  However, I feel better having just written all this out on this blog.  Yes, I kinda goofed.  But I didn't goof bad.  I'm still not certain I want to exercise tonight, but I might force myself yet.  I'm tired, stressed, and a little crabby.  A couch day (or rather a couch evening) is sounding and looking very inviting.  In fact, I might even crawl in the bathtub early tonight and just rest. 

I think I am craving food tonight because I have a "down" night.  Nothing really going on.  The past few weeks/months it seems I have been running from here to there and back again that to have nothing on my schedule is leaving a lot of think time and a lot of food time.  But, wow, blogging it, and working through it while I type has been SO HELPFUL!

Now that I did this and worked through some of my munchies, I am going to go for a very brief walk, come home, take a bath, and have a couch evening while watching America's Got Talent. 

Thank You, Blog, Thank You.

Food today:
Cereal with raspberries

granola bar

turkey sandwich
yogurt

everything I wrote up above.......

Activity:
Short 35 minute walk (forced)

Surviving

So I doubled yesterday.  And packed my own lunch and dinner.  More of the same.

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

nectarine

turkey sandwich
few pineapples
veggies with light ranch

granola bar

nutrigrain bar

berry salad
yogurt
1/2 peanut butter sandwich on ww

I think that is about it.  I do know I wanted to munch last night.  Oh yeah, I may have had a handful of nuts when I got home at night too.

Activity:  None.

Eye Candy

Top 5 reasons to hit the trail blading first thing in the morning:

1. Gets me moving.  A body in motion remains a body in motion all day long!
2. I get my exercise "out of the way" so it isn't looming over my head throughout the day.
3. I start drinking water early in the day.
4. Spending time in Nature, for me, is the equivalent of going to Church for many.

And the top reason to hit the trail first thing in the morning:

     5.  For every 5 senior citizens I pass, there is one shirtless piece of eye candy :)
          (eye candy is almost as good as real candy!)
Food:
Cereal with raspberries

nectarine

1/2 chicken quesadilla
few cherries
carrots (Sans dip)

2 scrambled eggs (organic)
1 piece of toast
cherries and pineapples

pudding with raspberries

freeze pop

handful of nuts

more than a handful of marshmallows.  I got the munchies tonight after dinner, which still seems to be my most difficult time. 

Activity:
65 minute roller blade
45 minute lawn mow
about 40 minute leisure hike.

Voices From the Cupboard

I have had my 18 year old niece the past few days.  Usually, we settle for the fast food joints, or possibly Perkins, to feed ourselves.  Or rather I settle for that so as not to have to do extra cooking.  She is kind of a picky eater and has very different eating habits from me so it makes homemade meals a bit more challenging.  Well, this time around, I didn't settle.  I still ate what I like to eat, and just made her whatever she likes to eat.  Though I tried to push healthy food upon her, she had nothing of it and munched on processed chicken strips (yes, from my freezer) and potato chips (I bought them for her specifically).

She left behind her potato chips and Starburst candy, and they are residing in my cupboard until she returns to finish them off.  I vow not to have any of it even though it is sitting in my cupboard tempting me.  Actually, I am not really tempted......yet.  This will be a nice test of my will power.  I think, though, that my healthy eating choices are getting more and more ingrained into the core of me that it won't be a huge challenge. 

Food:
cereal with raspberries

nectarine

small helping cottage cheese
small helping of cherries and pineapple

1/2 enchilada made at home:chicken/cheese/beans/brown rice on one WW tortilla
(actually my niece ate a whole one and loved it). 
small salad

one eggo waffle with peanut butter
larger bowl of grapes, cherries, pineapple, blackberries

medium helping frozen yogurt sundae

Activity:
only a 30 minute walk today :(

Just Food

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

loaded salad
cherries and pineapples

pudding with raspberries

7 shrimp
veggies with dip
cherries/pineapple/grapes

popcorn with very minimal salt and butter.

Activity:
50 minute roller blade.

Picture Time!

I'm a few days late in posting my First-of-the-Month-Photo.  This will likely be the final photo I post.  Below I have included the before photos and the photos from today.  I'm thinking its my final photo posting just because I am in a place of contentment and any more lost weight is just a huge bonus!  When I look at the first photo, it doesn't even seem like me.  Though I have lost nearly 20 pounds, I don't feel all that different in my own body.  I think I had blinders on before and never realized just how lumpy I was getting.  Here goes:

June 1, 2011
LUMPS

July 1, 2011
Fewer lumps in just one month!

 

 Below are all photos from Today.  I'm wearing the same jeans in all pictures (I'm surprised they fit me when I was 20 pounds heavier!) and because they are now big on me, they don't really do me justice, but you get the point.....

August 4, 2011.  Fewer lumps yet. 

Definitely lost the "Spare tire" around my waist.  My tummy has a little pooch yet, but all is good.

My once too tight jeans are now officially my "fat jeans" and I hope they will forever remain saggy.

Coming and Going

I have established a pattern in my eating behavior that has been there forever, and continues to exist even now.  It seems that whenever I leave my house, the last thing I want to do is eat something.  Maybe to ensure that I won't get hungry when I am out and about.  Also, whenever I walk in the door, the first thing I want to do is grab a bite.  Before this whole eating healthy thing, I would eat 2 dinners on most evenings because I would eat the equivalent of a whole meal upon walking in my door, and then eat the real meal just a few hours later.  I have that under control right now as I just eat a small, healthy snack instead of a bigger meal.  However, the pattern remains, and sometimes I eat, before leaving or upon arriving, even when I am not hungry.  Its a habit.  For now, even a few grapes satisfies that urge, and being aware of it is key to either changing that behavior or continuing to satisfy it with a good, low cal snack.

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

granola bar

turkey sandwich with all the fixin's
few grapes and cherries
few carrots and peas

few more grapes

1/2 chicken avocado wrap
few more grapes and cherries
few more peas and carrots

a few more grapes

small helping frozen yogurt with raspberries

Activity:
several shorter walks, each about 20-30 minutes in length.  Estimated 60 minutes of walking.

OK, after writing this, I kinda had a munchie fest.  Nothing horrible, but I ate some more cherries, a few more grapes and a small portion of assorted nuts.  Now I am gonna eat a freeze pop.  That is it for tonight.  Yeah, I'm a little muchie. Good thing my mini binge fest is on healthy enough food.

Happy Joints

Another Wednesday Weigh Day, another pound down.  That is a total of 18 pounds and my official weight is at 140.  This is reassuring especially in the wake of not getting in much exercise these past few weeks.  Proof that healthy eating habits are essential.

Speaking of which, I have had a bum knee and a clicky hip for quite some time.  I had unpleasant visions of going under the knife for either a hip replacement, knee replacement, or both.  Lately my hip has been way less clicky (or maybe just don't notice it as much).  Also, my knee is far less bothersome.  It still reminds me from time to time that it isn't perfect, but overall it has improved significantly since shaving off nearly 20 pounds.  My knee and hip thank me.

I guess I was having kind of an anxious day today with my anxiety swelling as the day went on (for reasons unknown).   I reeaalllllly didn't want to go for a walk this evening, but I forced myself to get out and enjoy a beautiful evening.  It was a very leisurely stroll; normally I take a hilly route, but I stayed on a less challenging route tonight.  It felt so good!  Hoping this aids in getting a good night sleep tonight.

Food:

Granola bar
raspberries

1/2 avocado chicken wrap
fresh veggies

pudding with raspberries
piece of homemade blueberry bread

Egg and cheese sandwich
cherries/grapes
peas and carrots

freeze pop

I really didn't have much of an appetite for dinner due to a giant anxiety ball in my belly, but I ate anyway.  It really made me feel a little better actually, but I really wasn't that hungry.  I was excited to try my first organic egg!

Activity:
mowed lawn 15 minutes
40 minute leisurely walk

Into the 3rd Month.....

Though I had the morning off from work, it was rather rainy, cloudy, and humid out today to get in a walk or blade before going off to work this afternoon.  Instead, I stayed home and caught up on household duties such as dishes and laundry.  Hoping to get back to activity this weekend.

Food:
Cereal with raspberries

turkey hotdog on light bun
cherries
carrots and peas in light ranch

pudding with raspberries (delicious)

turkey sandwich with cuke, tomatoes and sprouts
cherries
peas (no ranch)

one french fry

raspberries

More of the Same

Not a whole lot of time for much.  Been working like crazy, but eating good.  Not going to write out all of my food for this one post because I am tired, stressed, and unmotivated at the moment to write it all down.  However, I will say that I had two days, two doubles, and good eats.  I brought my own lunches and dinners that consisted of salad, veggies, fruits, yogurt and sandwiches.  I avoided pizza temptation today, and avoided several sugary, corn syrupy snacks during the past few days.  Still going strong. 

Activity has been limited, but there is actually quite a bit of walking around at work.  Proud to do well despite limited time to prepare meals and not taking the easy way out by being at the mercy of the cafeteria!

Will resume regularly scheduled blogging soon :)

Healthy Rules

I was conversing with a friend and coworker today about eating and healthy eating habits.  I realized that though I remain focused on healthy eating, and exercising, it hasn't become an obsession like so many times I have tried "diets" in the past.  When I first started, I was more obsessed, but now it has just come to be a part of me.  Which is so cool. 

I mentioned to her that I even lost weight during the week that I had pie, a margarita, and a blizzard from DQ.  She said a pretty awesome quote, "The exceptions are not the problem, it is when the exceptions become a rule that it becomes a problem".  Brilliance on her part!  I think I have established reasonable exceptions and am now living by healthy rules.  Because Healthy does Rule.  Get it?!  Ha!  I just hope it continues to last.

Food:
Cereal with berries

nectarine (I made everybody jealous eating this at work today:))

turkey sandwich with tomato, cucumber and sprouts
cherries and pineapple

granola bar

loaded salad
cottage cheese
cherries and pineapple

a few raspberries

freeze pop

Activity:
Mowed lawn 45 minutes of heat and sweat!

Savoring Time

Last day of my mini vacation before heading back to work.  I always get anxious heading back after an extended period of time off.  Entering into the unknown.  So I have some anxiety tonight and am finding I want to munch away the anxieties, but rather than do that, I sat out of my deck and read a book!  Oh, it feels so good to read again. 
I had a busy day running errands, but again started my day out with an invigorating roller blade jaunt.  Only 40 minutes today, but it was oh so good.

Food:
cereal with blueberries and raspberries

nectarine

one eggo waffle with peanut butter
peas and carrots with light ranch
pineapples and cherries and grapes

freeze pop

turkey and cheese sandwich with tomato, sprouts and cucumber
pineapple and cherries

pudding with strawberries

handful of assorted nuts

grapes

(yeah, definitely more munchies than usual, but at least its all healthy for the most part)

Activity:
40 minute roller blade
20 minute hike

Day of Fruit

I dragged myself out of bed and went roller blading straight away.  I didn't wash my hair or clean up in the least.  I just donned a baseball cap and went on my merry way.  Seventy minutes later, I was ready to face the day ahead of me.  I'm hoping to do the same tomorrow morning especially because its back to work Saturday :( 

Food:
cereal with blueberries

nectarine

turkey sandwich (with tomato, cucumber and sprouts)
bowl of fruit (cherries, pineapple, grapes)

loaded salad (loaded with berries...raspberries, blueberries and strawberries...soo nummy!)
shrimp

bowl of frozen yogurt with raspberries

bowl of fruit (grapes, cherries, pineapple)

Twas a day of Fruit!!

Activity:
70 minute roller blade
25 minute walk

Doing it Healthy

Another Wednesday Weigh Day and another pound GONE!  I'm down 17 whole pounds which makes me now 141.  YES!

I'm proud that I have done this, but more than that, I am proud I have done this healthy.  No fad diets, no weird nutrition shakes, no restrictions (except my own), no starvation, no upchucking.  Just a simple "diet" of fruits and veggies, reasonable portions, healthy food, and keeping active.  Who knew?!

I really hope this has been my lifestyle change that I so wanted.  I hope it sticks for good.  Winter is approaching, and this scares me a little since the fresh fruits will be limited in my area.  I might have to get creative with food choices and start to experiment with fun new-to-me foods like Ginger and Avocado! 

Today was another day I ate out in a restaurant.  However, this time didn't produce massive amounts of anxiety and it was another day I made excellent food choices by splitting the meal and opting for a very nutritious, locally grown, chicken avocado wrap.  So delicious!  Having good food buddies, and supportive buddies in general, has been the cornerstone of my success. 

Food:
cereal with blueberries

1/2 chicken avocado wrap
side of fruit (organic)

mediumish salad
pineapple/cherries/grapes

pudding with strawberries

Activity:
50 minute hike

Squeezing in the Blading

I had a super busy day today, but managed to squeeze in a 30 minute roller blade between clearing the shit out of my gutters.  I also went on a hike with my mom, but she had to sit and rest every few steps.  Not sure how much beneficial exercise that was, but it was some good quality momma time and that is all that really matters.  A good food day was to be had!

Food:
Cereal with raspberries (from my garden!)

bowl of cherries
turkey sandwich
veggies with ranch (light)

loaded salad
pineapple/watermelon/cherries

one piece of bread with peanut butter
few more cherries

and about 1/4 of a slice of pizza.  It was enough to satisfy me :)

Activity:
cleaning out gutters
30 minute roller blade
and a "hike" with my momma (about 30 minutes of sitting and walking)

Making Allowances

It hasn't been the best week food wise as I have made more allowances than I have during this whole thing.  I need to make allowances, but they all seem to have come in one week.  And since I stayed the same weight wise this past week, I thought when I stepped on the scale this morning, I might see an increase in numbers.  Again, I was ecstatic to see one more pound disappear this morning (I know, it isn't Wednesday Weigh Day, but I couldn't resist.......)!  So, I am down a total of 16 pounds!  Its amazing to think I was 16 pounds heavier than I am right now.  That is a lot of weight for my smallish frame!  And I still have room to take more off.  Crazy.

Food:
Cereal with strawberries

1/2 turkey sandwich
watermelon/pineapple
veggies with light ranch

went out to "lunch" with a friend.  I skipped lunch and had a margarita with chips and salsa instead!  The damn margarita probably had more calories than any lunch would have had, but it was soooo good and worth every calorie!

handful of nuts

1/2 turkey sandwich
watermelon and pineapple

pudding with strawberries

freeze pop

Activity:
45 minute walk on the lake walk post margarita.  I wimped out on my friend after 45 minutes of walking and whining about the sun. 
But then I went for a 30 minute walk once the sun went down.

That is a total of 75 minutes

My water intake wasn't horrible today either.  It could always be better, but today wasn't bad.

A Special Treat

For the first time in over 55 days, I had me some ice cream today.  Real ice cream.  Ice cream from the DQ.  A blizzard in fact.  Only I was "smart" about it, and got myself a kiddie size version of the delicious treat which was the perfect amount of blizzard to have!  It was smooth and creamy and oh so gooooood.  Two months ago, I was getting a blizzard nearly every day, and now that I had my summer time treat, I am confident I will be good to go for a while now!

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

turkey sandwich
veggies with light ranch
bowl of watermelon/pineapple/cherries

pudding with strawberries

medium portion of watermelon and pineapple

7 shrimp
loaded salad
small portion of pineapple

Then the kiddie size blizzard!

Activity:
55 minute lawn mow
15 minute lawn mow
50 minute hike
plus I pruned some trees at my mom's house which certainly accounts for some exercise too.

Pie Day

My first day of my "mini-vacation" was spent in crummy weather, but in perfect company.  I didn't do much other than basic housework and a miserable attempt at a Richard Simmons exercise tape.  I lasted 25 out of the 55 minutes and then decided to call it quits.  I'm hoping the remainder of my mini vacay is filled with sun and outdoor fun!

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

part of a plum (didn't like it)

loaded salad
cherries and watermelon

frozen go-gurt

turkey burger
veggies with light ranch
pineapple and cherries

then I ate a piece of pineapple cream pie.  It was the smallest piece ever and it was enough to satisfy me.  I was super proud of my mini piece of pie, and surprised that it didn't entice a second, third, or fourth piece.  My confidence is building.

Exercise:
A measly 25 minute Richard-fest.
I must get back on the exercise wagon. 

Determined

Lately I have been feeling "weak" and unexcited about this whole thing.  Like at any moment I could go backwards.  Some old behaviors have been sneaking in, and since I feel a little more comfortable with where I am with my weight, I am starting to become a bit more careless.  Some of my mindful eating is disappearing, cravings are returning, and exercise has been more bothersome. 

Today I had plans after work with a friend.  The exact plan was tentative, and we almost settled on the dependable old back up of "going out to eat".  Only this time, I was going to give myself permission to "pig out" and get something greasy and fried.  As luck would have it, our original plans worked out which included Erberts and Gerberts, Hard Lemonade, and a swimming pool.  I should have only eaten half of that sandwich, but I ate the whole thing.  However, I did not eat the best part of the sandwich: the extra bread packed on top of the sandwich itself!

Food:
Cereal with blueberries

granola bar

turkey sandwich (with cucumbers and tomato)
yogurt

Erbs and Gerbs sandwich
cherries and watermelon

more cherries

bowl of frozen yogurt

Activity:
leisurely swimming in the pool!