One Sinister Bite.....

Bad Day.  Very. Bad. Day.  The good news:  Those damn potato chips are now gone.  The bad news:  I ate them all.  In fact, I ate an entire bag of chips in less than 24 hours.  I feel sick, gross, guilty, and disappointed.  On top of those chips is a giant Bridgeman's Ice Cream Sundae.  Not to mention everything else I ate today. 
Let's document it all:

cereal with strawberries on top
grapes
egg and cheese on toast (with potato chips)
grapes
pudding
ice cream sundae
1/2 (or more) bag of chips
grapes

My stomach feels like it has a giant brick stuffed inside.  My comfortable fitting pants were feeling a bit tight today.  See any veggies on that list?  Nope.  I didn't have any........ 

I did walk for 50 minutes today so that is at least something. 

I even went grocery shopping today in hopes of getting healthy munchies in my house.  And I consciously made healthy choices even when pulled to buy bad-for-me stuff.

So that was my day.  Time to stop.  Its been a 3 day binge fest and it needs to stop here.  It hasn't only been bad-for-me eating; its been binging.  Both things need to stop, and I am confident that tomorow I will truly be back on track. 

It feels like starting over from step one.   Like I had cleansed my body of the bad stuff, and now that I opened those flood gates, I have to cleanse all over again.  Detoxify.

This really is a struggle each and every day.  Some days are easier than others, but each day there are temptations that could so easily end in a downward spiral back to a bing-o-rama.  I envy those who can live life without having food be their main preoccupation.  I envy those who don't have to worry about how one sinister bite of sweetness ultimately ends in uncontrollable eating.  I envy those who really can have a bag of potato chips in their cupboard without eating the entire thing in one sitting.  I envy those who so effortlessly make time for exercise......and enjoy it. 

I really thought my journey would get easier as time went on, but it hasn't.  Its equally difficult.  However, it seems that these "failures" are harder felt because it really feels like I have undone nearly 6 months of hard work in 3 measly days.  Yes, yes, I know that is not entirely true, but that is what it feels like.

For really real, tomorrow is a new day.  I will pick up where I left off and continue on this journey.