Obsessing

About 8 years ago, I attempted this whole diet thing.  I followed the weight watchers program (without actually being a member), and I counted my "points" religiously.  It was a bit of an obsession for me and not necessarily a healthy one. Not sure exactly how much weight I actually lost, but I do know that I got down to 123 pounds.  I had my sight set on reaching 120 pounds and could not quite get there.  I kind of plateaued at 123 and there I stayed for a while.  I was all about the numbers, and when I considered myself a "failure" for not reaching the magical number of 120, I gave up.

I remember the exact moment I gave up on my weight watchers diet back then.  A friend and I went to a Dixie Chicks concert in Minneapolis.  Beforehand, we went out to eat, and I ate some very rich lasagna.  As a result of eating such rich food after not having it for several months, I spent listening to the entire concert in the bathroom of the Target Center while shitting out my brains. 

Because my thinking is usually pretty "black and white" as far as food goes, I spiraled down into negativity after I messed up and ate lasagna.  Now, I know now that eating one meal of lasagna isn't messing up, but back then I considered myself a total failure.  On my drive home from the concert, I participated in one of my biggest binges to date.  I stopped at multiple Dairy Queens, I detoured to various gas stations, not to fill up my tank, but to fill up my pie hole.  That was the end of counting points for me. 

My mission on this journey is going to be a healthy one.  Its going to be more of a lifestyle change rather than a short lived fad diet.  All the weight watchers food is gross, processed, and unhealthy.  They take out all the fat and add in additives, preserves, and fake sugar.  I'd much rather eat nutritious food that helps my body fight off cancers and illnesses.  And still be able to indulge in ice cream or lasagna without feeling like a failure that ultimately starts a binge fest.

Right now, I AM a little obsessive, but to make this work, I have to be obsessed initially.  As you can see from my food intake, I eat a lot.  A lot.  I'm full, I'm satisfied, and surprisingly I have not had any cravings.  Not even for chocolate!  I haven't had chocolate for one week now!  And I still have an unopened carton of frozen yogurt awaiting me in my freezer.  It hasn't called my name, yet, and I am confident that when it does, I will be able to enjoy one helping of raspberry frozen yogurt. 

Today's intake
Grapes, cherries and Cottage Cheese for Breakfast
PB&J, cherries, carrots and peas for lunch
salad and burrito for dinner (to be eaten.  Its packed for work)
Also to be eaten today is an apple and 1 freeze pop.
That's it!  My goal is to stick to this list. 

Its these few hours before going to work that I struggle.  I just ate lunch and I leave for work in 2 hours.  I get nervous that I might get hungry and I get the urge to eat yet another meal before leaving for work.  Instead, I intend to eat a freeze pop, bring an apple to work in case I get too hungry before my dinner break, or else eat it after dinner when I get the munchies before heading home from work. 

Activity  will be limited today, but I have the next 5 days off, and intend to get in some good hikes, possible roller blades, and maybe even an exercise tape!