Heaven

So much fresh fruit!  I'm in heaven.  Muffin, my cat, is in heaven too.  She loves to eat the tops of pineapples.  Well, she doesn't really eat them, but more or less chews them up.  Hopefully they aren't poisonous to cats.  I'll google it.  I put the pineapple in the cupboard so that she couldn't get to it, but she knows where it is, and can get that darn door to the cupboard open.  Guess I'll have to cut it up sooner rather than later.  Silly cat.

Food:

Cereal with blueberries

cottage cheese, cherries, watermelon

more cherries and watermelon

one chocolate chip cookie (mom's homemade)

turkey cheese hotdog
The most delicious corn on the cob ever
more cherries and watermelon

one serving rice cakes
grapes

Activity:
Hiked the dogs for one hour.

PS:  Pineapple leaves are NOT poisonous to cats, but can present a hazard because they are "sharp" and can cut their mouths.

Grapes, Berries, and Cherries. Oh, My!

What used to be my most dreaded adult chore has now become not quite so dreadful.  Grocery shopping is still not my most favorite chore, but it is becoming easier and easier.....and even fun?  I went again this morning and bought tons and tons of fruit:  Pineapple, watermelon, blueberries, strawberries, grapes, cherries....I think that about covers it.  I love fresh fruit!  Now to cut it all up and devour it before it all goes bad.  I also bought some exciting food like Corn on the Cob and frozen shrimp.  Yes, that is very exciting indeed :)

ONE MONTH!!

Today is my month anniversary!  One whole month of healthy choices and hard work.  One month and ten pounds.  Still ten pounds.  I weighed myself today and I am still stuck at 148.  I was a little disappointed, at first, because I really stepped it up this past week with my exercise.  I have been exercising like crazy and eating crazy healthy too.  Its OK, at least I didn't gain any weight!  All sorts of factors can affect weight on any given day, not to mention the fact that I could possibly be gaining some muscle weight as well.  Who knows.  I'm gonna keep on keeping on, and get down another 10 pounds.  Hopefully get down another 15 pounds, but 10 more would be super dee duper.

Food:

cereal with blueberries

apple

PB&J, cherries, veggies with dip

fruit (pineapples and grapes)
handful of assorted nuts

cottage cheese, veggies and dip, one eggo with peanut butter and honey.

bowl of raspberry frozen yogurt.

Activity:
about 60 minutes of walking
15 minutes of mowing lawn
total 75 minutes

Grocery shopping is a must tomorrow.....again.  Healthy eating means a lot of grocery stops.  Joy.

Thinking Ahead

In case I work a double, here is my post of the food I packed for both lunches:

Food:
probably cereal with blueberries

apple

turkey sandwich
yogurt
veggies (and dip)

granola bar

smaller yet portion of potato concoction
salad
few grapes

I even got about an hour of walking in today which was fan tab!  I broke a sweat, was huffing and puffing and everything. 

The biggest success of the day was not eating some Better Than Sex cake made by a coworker baker extraordinaire.  Yes, it caused some salivation, but no, it did not break me. 

A glorious day despite a busy double!

Keeping it Real With Portions

I feel much better about today.  Perfect portions, balanced meals, and even a bit of exercise today.  Not once did I feel too full or too hungry. 

Food:
cereal with blueberries

apple

small portion of the potato/chicken concoction from yesterday (tasted much better with salt)
snap peas (minus the dip)
yogurt

granola bar

one scrambled egg
one whole wheat eggo with peanut butter and a dab of honey
fruit

1/2 serving of rice cakes (6)
Activity
Walk=15 minutes (on lunch break)
Hike=55 minutes
Richard=55 minutes

Water was decent, but could totally be better.  However, I was up about 6 times in the night to pee :(

Stupid Brain

While soaking in my bathtub, after writing my last blog, I'm obsessing again.  That seemed like A LOT of food, but it really didn't seem like too much throughout the day.  I'm freaking out just a little bit thinking that perhaps I had blinders on, and my good day today wasn't as good as I had originally thought.

Then I realized I am getting crazy obsessed again and decided to Knock it Off!

One, all the food I ate was very healthy.  Loaded with fruits and veggies and perfectly spaced throughout the day to keep myself fed and satisfied.

Two, I did a lot of exercise today so I can stand to have a few more calories regardless

Three, I must be doing something right if I have lost 10 pounds doing exactly what I did today.

Still, my portion control needs to be modified.  And that will come next.  The important thing is that I am filling up on the best foods to fill up on.  Lots of greens, lots of fresh fruits, with good amounts of protein and fiber.

So there, Stupid Brain, today was a most fantastic day.  I've come a long way, baby!

Triple Threat

When I first started this blog, I had intended to have two labels to my posts:  Good Days and Bad Days.  I'm happy to say I have not had a Bad Day since I embarked on this journey.  I have only had Good Days which makes me very proud, but I know a Bad Day is inevitable.  Of course, it doesn't have to be a Bad Day and I will have the power to make it either good or bad.  Its up to me.

Today was another good day all around.  Food, exercise, and even water!  I'm a triple threat today!

Food:
cottage cheese with fruit

nectarine

turkey sandwich
fruit
veggies and dip

handful assorted nuts
fruit

then I made this potato thing for dinner.  Its prepackaged and has bits of potato, red peppers, broccoli and onions.  One serving is only 80 calories.  I added chicken and decided to make a wrap out of it.  It turned out OK, but not the greatest.  I wouldn't have it again, but I do have left overs so will be eating it in some capacity.

and of course, I had more fruit (pineapple and cherries)

one serving of rice cakes

freeze pop

Wow, when I write this out, it seems like Soooooo much food.  Yikes.  But I guess it was all nutritious and I did a lot of exercising today too.

Exercise:
mowed lawn=15 minutes
roller blade=40 minutes
hike=45 minutes
then, out of boredom, I did a 20 minute Richard tape.
That is a total of 120 minutes!!

Plus I drank a lot of water today too :)

Member of the Clean Plate Club

A friend asked me today if I noticed any difference since being on this health quest.  I had to pause a moment and consider what I did indeed notice.  Really, there isn't much difference other than a general sense of well-being.
Here are the big things I notice:

• my seat belt is way more comfortable.  I don't have to stretch it all the way out before fastening it.
• Bending over to put on my shoes or pick something off the floor is not a struggle
• I am less winded when going up a flight of stairs or a large hill
• my pants fit waaaaay better
• My boobs are back to a normal size.  They were getting out of control.
• I'm generally more motivated.  I'm even more motivated to get the dishes done!

I have lost 10 pounds which is a decent amount of weight.  Yet, I still feel bloated and heavy and have to remind myself that I have already lost 10 pounds.  I still tend to over eat, I'm just over eating on veggies and fruit.  Tonight for dinner, I was full about half way through, yet I ate everything on my plate.  I knew it, too.  So, I need to be more mindful of my fullness

Intake:
cottage cheese, pineapple, cherries

nectarine

1 Whole Wheat Eggo waffle with peanut butter (I like using those eggos as toast sometimes)
veggies with spinach dip
pineapples and cherries

grapes
handful of assorted nuts

turkey burger
veggies with spinach dip
cherries and pineapple

Freeze pop
Activity:
mowed lawn=50 minutes
hike=40 minutes
second hike=30 minutes
total of 130 minutes today

Agua-ma-toos-a-ma-doodle

People, one friend in particular, constantly remind me that I need to drink more water.  Agua-ma-toos-a-ma-doodle as my mom says.  Yes, I agree, but I just don't drink enough.  Last night as I was going to bed, I had a slight headache.  Throughout all of my exercise yesterday, I drank very little water.  Very little.  It was then that I decided I needed to drink more water.  More agua. 

I wanted to make it my daily goal for today, but didn't want to blog it in case it didn't come to fruition.  Well, today has been another activity filled day, AND its hot outside.  So, on my hikes today, I brought along my 20 oz water bottle.  I'm on my second one for the day. 

My issue with drinking water is that it makes me have to pee.  Duh.  But I hate peeing.  I hate taking the time to use the bathroom.  I'd rather do number 2 because at least it feels like I've accomplished something.  But pee?  Its boring, it takes time out of my day, and I'd just rather not go.  Or rather, I'd like to be able to decide when I go. Oh my Gosh, I just discovered that I don't like peeing because I am not in control of when I can go or not.  My body demands that I have to go at a certain time, and I have to oblige.  My bladder controls me, not the other way around.  Hmmm.

Anyway, I think I have a very little bladder.  When I drink water, I need to go often.  Too often sometimes.  Now I don't need a lecture, I know you're supposed to pee frequently, and I also know the color healthy pee should be.  And, yes, I definitely could use more H2O in my diet on a more regular basis.  However, when I have a pressure filled bladder after just emptying it not even 10 minutes earlier, it makes me mad.    That, ultimately prevents me from drinking more water.

So I need to reframe how I think about spending my time in the bathroom.  A friend said today that it is a good time to "think".  Think about what, I'm not sure, but I could spend some more time thinking even if it is just when I pee. 

Damn it, time to go to the bathroom again.  Guess I'm gonna go think now.

Jump Starting on my Own

A friend called me today to ask if I wanted to join her on a fitness "vacation".  This so called vacation is just 45 minutes north of my home and is a week long live-in intensive fitness program.  That does not sound like a vacation to me!  Not sure all what they do there, but "intensive" anything doesn't sound good to me.  Hell, even intense chocolate is too rich to enjoy too much of it.  Oh, and the cost of this vacation?  Almost $2,000!  Nearly two grand and you don't even get to fly there nor do you get tropical weather. 

My friend is hoping this will help "jump start" her and her fitness trials.  Had she asked me to join her about one month ago, I may have said yes.  And because I would have said yes to a fitness program starting at the end of August, I would have had a DQ Blizzard every day, french fries every night, and several binge fests in between.  Instead, I jump started myself exactly 25 days ago and am still going strong.  And getting stronger every day.

I'm hoping my friend finds the answers she is looking for on her fitness vacation.  While she is there, I will be here doing my own "intensive" vacation.  See, it is then that I am on vacation from work, and I intend to get the maximum amount of mileage out of my roller blades and hiking shoes.  Just like I did today!

Intake:
Cereal with blueberries

salad (with tons of veggies on top), cottage cheese, grapes and cherries

apple
freeze pop
snack pack pudding

turkey and cheese sandwich, veggies with spinach dip, cherries and pineapple

Seems like I ate a lot today, and I actually got stuffed from my dinner.  I did eat maybe more than usual, but I also exercised like crazy today!

Activity:
40 minute walk
25 minute roller blade
another 30 minute walk
Total=85 minutes!

Plus I worked in the garden for about an hour today as well.  Gotta embrace this nice weather while I can!

Packing Lunches

So I am working a double today so that leaves little to no time for exercise.  I did go grocery shopping yesterday in order to stock up on good-for-me food to bring to work.  I'm loving me my fruits and veggies :)

Its been so nice to be prepared for work and not have to be at the mercy of whatever food is being served in the cafeteria.  Its probably cheaper too, though I have been going grocery shopping about once a week or once every other week.  Each trip costs around $80.  Healthy food is so much more expensive than chips and Twinkies.  But so worth it.  Nothing like good Bing Cherries even at $5 a pound (I paid $20 for cherries today...egads!).

Intake for today:
oatmeal with blueberries
apple

turkey and cheese sandwich
yogurt
veggies with dip

bean and rice burrito
cherries

granola bar

Getting My Veggies On

I went grocery shopping yet again today.  This has to be a record for me  In fact, I have probably gone to the grocery store more times already this year than during the entire last year.  I used to go to that God Forsaken store once every 3 or 4 months or so.  Choosing instead to eat at my mom's house or at various restaurants throughout the week.  So I went again today to replenish my fruit and veggie supply.

Intake:

Oatmeal with Strawberries

turkey hot dog thing (on a bun)
veggies and ranch
grapes and 4 bits of pineapple

Cherries

fish
carrots and peas (in spinach dip)
salad

chocolate snack pack pudding.

Activity:
60 minutes with Richard
various household duties (vacuuming, laundry...running up and down the stairs).

No "Maybes" About It

Because I blogged it, it was so.  I did a 60 minute exercise tape today.  I'm only a little bit ashamed to admit it was a Richard Simmons video (Grooving in the House).  He annoys the hell out of me, and throughout the video, he is full of sexual innuendos and pelvic thrusts.  Still, I get to groove to "The Beat Goes on" by Sonny and Cher, "Philadelphia Freedom", and "Cotton Eyed Joe".  Good times.

For the past 6 years, I have always wanted to turn my basement into an exercise area.  Today, 6 years later,  I did my first exercise tape in what will hopefully become my new "gym".  My pals, Richard Simmons and Denise Austin, will hopefully help me be more successful.  Especially if we continue to have super crummy weather.

My basement does present some challenges.  Its narrow with a low ceiling.  But the biggest challenge is my uncoordination in dance moves.  I feel just like Kate Gosling on Dancing With the Stars.  My legs and arms struggle to move at the same time.  But its my basement, and nobody is watching so who the hell cares.

Another struggle was kind of unforeseen.  Though looking back, I could have called it.  Tino.  My cat.  He is underfoot nearly the entire time despite being accidentally kicked once or twice.   Sometimes I think he is trying to kill me.  By the end of the video tape, Tino hopped up on the couch (which was behind me) and jumped up onto my shoulder.  So here I am trying to follow Richard and his "sunbursts"and "pelvic thrusts" with a damn cat upon my shoulder. 

I might need to rearrange that space to make it more conducive to exercising, but for now it is working.  I broke a sweat and felt accomplished by finally getting in some exercise this week.

Double Digits, Baby!

Today is my official weigh in day, and I was apprehensive to hop on the scale.  With lack of movement this past week, I was afraid I might even see pounds added on.  But Lo and Behold, I stepped on this morning to find a very happy surprise.  Another pound down!  That is a total of 10 pounds lighter!  WAHOO!  My weight today is 148.  Minimally, I want to lose another 10 pounds at the very least.  Ideally I would like to lose another 18 pounds, but we'll see how I look and feel when I get down another 10. 

Again, another crappy day outside which means no outdoor exercise.  My intention today is to do one exercise tape today.  However, I have a dentist appointment, hair appointment, and am considering going into work if they should happen to call.  So, if I go into work, the exercise tape will not happen for sure.  If I don't go into work, the exercise tape still may not happen.  But because I blogged it, it shall be.  Maybe?

Anyhoo I am very pleased that I have lost 10 pounds in 23 days (actually, I have lost 8 pounds in 23 days since I didn't officially start blogging my weight loss when I was 158, but rather 156). 

Here's to the next 10!

Anticipating Tomorrow

Today is another day of no exercise.  Crummy weather coupled with low motivation has been doing me in lately.  I didn't even use the stairs or squeeze in that lap in the skywalk yesterday and I don't foresee me doing either today as well.  My food choices have been OK though, so there is that.  Tomorrow is weigh day so I am eager, yet nervous, to discover what I'll find when I step on that scale tomorrow morning.

Yesterday, and today as well, I am writing my food down before eating since I have to reluctantly go into work this afternoon.   I noticed yesterday that I ate some of the food I had listed simply because they were on the list, not because I was hungry.  I'm hoping to avoid that today, but I also find its helpful to have some healthier snacks to munch on while at work.  Otherwise I dig into the snack drawer filled with Teddy Grahams and Rice Krispie bars.

Intake:
bowl of fruit
oatmeal (prepackaged)
one piece of PB&H toast

Salad
yogurt
veggies with ranch
grapes

handful of assorted nuts
granola bar

The last two are snacks to be eaten only if feeling hungry tonight while at work.  Not to be eaten simply because they are listed.

Feelin' Full

I was skeptical that my lunch for today would not be enough to fill me up.  I decided on a bowl of soup, veggies, and fruit.  Originally I was going to make a grilled cheese as well, but thought that sounded a bit too much.  So I left out the grilled cheese and just had the rest, and I was surprised to find that it did fill me up.  Not sure if it will last through dinner time (at work), but it satisfied me for lunch for the time being.

Another cold, windy, dreary day in Duluth so I didn't get out to exercise before work.  I'll try hard to get into the skywalk on my dinner break tonight, but that is never the same as actually walking anyway. 

Intake today:
cereal with blueberries

soup
veggies (with ranch)
fruit

To be eaten yet today:
salad
PB&J sandwich
yogurt

freeze pop
handful of assorted nuts

Very little exercise :(

Willpower

Today was an exercise in Willpower.  Good thing I exercised that because Lord knows I didn't exercise anything else.  Though I did go up 4 flights of stairs and I did squeeze in one lap in the skywalk over my lunch break.  No walk with the dogs today and no other exercise to be had unless you count my fingers exercising all over the computer keyboard.

Anyway, on to Willpower.  Sometimes on Sunday morning, a coworker is kind enough to make a homemade breakfast for all the kids and all the staff.  That was today.  She made a huge batch of French Toast Bagel Bites which are super nummy along with a ton of sausages.  I walked by those bits of french toasted bagels more than once and listened to them literally screaming my name from the platter upon which they sat.  I eyed them up, but mostly ignored them.  The sausages did the same only not quite as loudly and I ignored them as well.  What I did dive into was the fresh fruit platter that was also available and I had me some delicious pineapple and one strawberry.

Then, at the end of the day, another coworker decided to make up a bunch of S'mores for the kids and the staff.  S'mores are about one of my favorite treats, and one I have only about once every 5 years or so.  I watched the kids eat up the gooey, melty goodness.  I stayed strong and resisted.  And I didn't feel bad about it one bit.  Resisting is actually getting a smidge easier for me and with each resistance comes a stronger sense of pride and confidence that yes, I can make good choices.  My dream is that I will be able to indulge once in a while, but for now I am going to resist until I can't resist anymore.

Intake:
cereal with blueberries

few bites of pineapple and one strawberry

ham and cheese on bun
yogurt
grapes

handful of assorted almonds, soybeans, pumpkin seeds

fish
salad
bowl of fruit (blueberries, strawberries, pineapple, grapes)

snack pack pudding

No activity really :(

Not Blaming Hotdogs Today

Another  crabby day today, but not because of a hotdog this time around.  Maybe its the weather.  Seriously, its the middle of June and I had my heat on a few days ago.  I'm still wearing a jacket, and the sun hasn't shone for a whole day since I can't remember when. 

So it was a crabby day today. 

A crabby day with a headache.  I didn't want to walk the dogs after work today, and I nearly didn't.  But I did.  A short walk, but I did it.  I passed up chicken and baked potatoes at mom's, not because of the food, but because I'm sick of chicken.

On my way to get milk, I passed the DQ.  I drove right on by.  Then I had visions of buying an entire bag of candy from Walgreens.  And eating it all.  I settled just for milk, came home and had a healthy dinner.  I felt better.  Kind of.  But am still crabby.  Or maybe lonely.  But probably sad.  Not sure why, and there probably isn't really a reason other than I just am.

Still it was a good day.

Intake:
cereal with blueberries
turkey sandwich (on bun....smaller than bread)
yogurt
grapes

granola bar

bowl of soup (one serving per the can's instructions)
salad
bowl of fruit (pineapple, strawberries, grapes)

Frozen yogurt sundae (with chocolate and whipped cream on top!)

Activity:
I forced myself to walk the dogs for 20 minutes.  Not much, but at least I got out there.

Fears

The other day, as I was walking, I started to kind of freak out about this whole healthy eating phase I am in.  Only I don't want it to be a "phase".  I was freaking out thinking that I can't do it.  I can't do it forever.  Sure, short term is easy, but its the long term that is hard, and I got scared. 

I get nervous for the next time I go out to lunch or dinner with a friend.  For the next time I have a homemade dinner at my mom's.  For the first time somebody invites me out for ice cream.  For the day I finally do give in to greasy goodness.  I worry that it will be the end for me.  Well, not for me, but for my so called diet.  Once I open that pie hole, it all goes down hill.  I don't want it to, but I'm afraid it will happen.

Several times before I have said, "never again" meaning never again will I get this heavy.  I feel good that I have lost a bit of weight.  It feels GREAT to be under 150 pounds, and now I am officially not overweight.  And because we all lie on our driver's license, I can say I am closer to 140 pounds which feels extra great. 

But "never again" has been said many times before and I always end up heavier than I was before.  I'm not exactly a yo-yo dieter, but each time I have lost weight, I've gained more back.  Which is why I don't want this "phase" to be a passing phase.  Which is why I am scared about what may come next.  So far so good, but things can go to hell in a handbasket quicker than I can say "ice cream".

Sneaking Sunshine

For some reason, I decided to step on the scale again this morning.  Normally I want to step on that scale once a week (Wednesdays), but I thought I'd do it today even though weigh day was yesterday.  Guess what?  Another pound down!  That means 9 pounds total.  I'm hoping next Wednesday I will see the double digits :)

Today was a grand day.  I even sneaked some outdoor time in the very brief appearance of the sun.  On an otherwise gloomy, drizzly day, the sun shone for about an hour or so.  In that time, I squeezed in a roller blade :)

Also I stocked up on more healthy food.  Though it wasn't exactly the grocery store, I did go to Wal-Mart where I purchased some fresh pineapple among other fruits, veggies, and greenery. 

Intake:
cereal with strawberries
1/2 turkey sandwich and bowl of fruit (blueberries, strawberries, grapes and pineapple...sooo yummy)
handful of assorted almonds, pumpkin seeds, soy nuts and dried cranberries
fish (Trust the Gordon's fishermen :))
peas and carrots with ranch
bowl of fruit (same as above minus blueberries)
freeze pop
Activity:
hiked (moderately) for 40 minutes
roller bladed 25 minutes
mowed lawn 15 minutes
for a total of 80 minutes today!

Rumbly in My Tumbly

This was almost the title of my entire blog, but I thought it referred too much to Winnie the Pooh, and I don't even particularly like Winnie the Pooh so I settled with In My Tummy instead.  These past few weeks, a curious thing has started to happen:  there is a rumble down under.  Before I eat, I actually feel hungry, my tummy growls, and I eat.  I never used to let myself feel hunger and rarely did my stomach growl.  It isn't even a bad or scary feeling.  It simply is a feeling.  A feeling to let me know I am hungry and should eat.  So I do. 

I thought today was going to be a super struggle since it was a crummy day outside, I called in sick to work, and planned on spending the entire day inside.  After breakfast, I could tell that I was in the mood to munch and thought I'd be munching all day long.  Plus it was gloomy out so I hadn't planned on getting outside to do much exercise.

But then inspiration knocked on the door.  Or rather called on the phone.  She called and asked to go for a walk in the rain.  So I did.  We took a leisurely stroll for about 40 minutes in the misty drizzle, but it was enough to knock the munchies out of me and I had another good day.

Food:
cereal with blueberries
apple with peanut butter
turkey sandwich on a bun
grapes
chicken breast (dipped in ranch)
pea pods (with ranch)
mandarin oranges
snack pack pudding with strawberries added.

Activity:
40 minute leisurely stroll.

Another One Bites the Dust

Another pound bites the dust that is.  I lost another pound and am officially down to 150.  If I go by my first weigh in at 158, that is a total of 8 pounds off!  I was hoping to be less than 150, but the fact that I lost even one pound is awesome.

Intake today:
cereal with blueberries
granola bar
salad
yogurt
grapes
more grapes
turkey burger with fixin's
veggies with ranch
more grapes
bowl of raspberry frozen yogurt
freeze pop


Activity:
My activity kinda sucks as it is rainy and yucky out, and I kinda feel yucky too.  However, I did take one lap in the skywalk before my shift started today at work so that was good I guess. 

I'm getting there.....

Betty White Pants

Betty White Pants are nothing like Bette Davis Eyes.  I, sadly, have the former and not the latter.  Betty White pants are those old lady pants with an elastic waist band and no back pockets.  Yes, I wore mine today.  To work.  Because my pants from last summer don't fit me anymore, and I wanted to wear something other than my usual brown cords or brown jeans to work today.  So out came my Betty White Pants.  I am hoping that soon, I can retire my Betty White Pants and bring out my last year's wardrobe.  I'm a work in progress.

Intake:
cereal with blueberries
granola bar
turkey/ham/cheese wrap
yogurt
salad with strawberries and mandarin oranges (So delicious!)
grapes
cottage cheese
3/4 apple
about 5 pea pods
freeze pop

I resisted the multitude of cookies directly underneath my nose today while watching coworkers and kids eat them up with joy.  I kind of felt proud.

I worked a partial double today (7AM-8PM) and I thought my activity level would be very difficult to squeeze in.  And it was.  But I did it.  I got about 70 minutes of walking in today (not all at one time) plus I climbed 12 flights of stairs, also not at one time.

I'm persevering!

Passing the Time

I did it.  I survived the night without a binge or even an ordinary eat-o-rama.  I kept busy with household duties and surfing the Internet.  Plus my mood has improved significantly.  After I blogged, and after I reassured myself that eating a hotdog was not the be-all-and-end-all, I did alright.  A bowl of deliciously sweet fruit was enough to satisfy my urges to munch.  I even contemplated going for a run, but settled for hanging out with my new laptop instead.  Damn technology.

I don't want to make eating a hotdog that big of a deal in the future.  I want to be able to enjoy regular food without obsessing about it.  Its about portion control, and my portion size was perfect tonight.  In addition to portion control its also about balance, and my diet has been very balanced these past few weeks.  Let's not forget activity level which has also been great.  In fact, hikes that used to take me an hour now takes me 45-50 minutes, and I don't hesitate as long to catch my breath at the top of steep hills.

The problem with activity is that because I am relatively fit and active, my activity has to get more intense and challenging if I want to see more results.  For now, roller blading will have to be that next level of exercise that I need, but once I get used to that, I'll have to continue to step it up.  Maybe a Zumba class??

This is a rambling post simply out of boredom.  Just passing time until bedtime.......

All or Nothing

Today I am super crabby.  Not sure why.  Actually I might know why; I ate a hotdog.  Yes, a fucking hotdog.  So stupid that I would be crabby over that, but I keep beating myself up because I ate a damn hotdog.  Then my more reasonable self kicks in and says, "it was a fucking hotdog.  big deal". 

Here is how it went down.  After work I stopped at my mom's to walk the dogs.  She invited me for dinner.  I declined saying I had a ton of food at home to eat, which I did.  Then the tuna salad and hotdog started to sound mighty tasty so I caved and accepted her dinner invite.  That is when I got crabby.  I didn't want to eat that food; I already had my dinner planned out at home; and a hotdog does not really have nutritional value. 

That is how I roll.  All or Nothing.  Now that I am at my house, I am ruminating on that damn hotdog.  I want to eat..  BAD.  I still want to eat my regularly planned dinner. I want to eat cereal.  I want the DQ.  I feel like I failed my day today because I ate a fucking hotdog.  Its so stupid, but it is so real.  This is how I end up sabotaging myself whenever I attempt to alter my changing habits.  One thing makes me feel like a failure and I give up.  I simply give up.

However, I will NOT give up this time, and in fact, my rational brain is pushing my irrational brain aside.  My dinner was so reasonable (small portion of tuna salad and hotdog).  My day today was awesome and I got in 75 minutes of walking.  Its fucking OK to eat a goddamn hotdog.  And beyond that, the last 2 weeks have been awesome!  Yes, today marks day number 14.  Two whole weeks.  I am not going to let one tiny hotdog ruin 2 weeks of dedication and hard work. 

The remainder of the evening may get tough.  Not much going on tonight so I will be kind of bored plus I am already crabby and delicate (for lack of a better word).  Tonight may be tough indeed, but I am a whole lot tougher!

Intake:
Cereal with blueberries
apple
1/2 turkey sandwich, salad, brown beans
small portion of tuna salad (maybe 1/2 cup?)
about 5 potato chips
that fucking hotdog on a bun
grapes
bowl of grapes, blueberries, strawberries
Huh, now that I write it out, it isn't horrible at all.  Before blogging, I totally envisioned this looooong list of food, and look, its rather puny. 

Activity:
walked 25 minutes on my lunchbreak
hiked the dogs 50 minutes
Total: 75 minutes.

Yes, Success!

It has been an exercise filled day for me on this beautiful summer day!  I did everything I wanted to go today and then some.  First of all, let me say that I accomplished my 2 goals that I had for myself on my days off.  One was to find 3 healthy recipes and the second was to go rollerblading.  Let me say that I probably would not have done either had I not blogged about them earlier in the week.  So I feel rather accomplished.  Not sure when I will actually try one of the recipes that I found, but its something I could totally do.  Quick and Easy. 

As for roller blading, I only went for 25 minutes, but at least I went.  I would have gone further, but the trail I was roller blading on was under construction and the trail was closed.  I was bummed.  As it turns out, twenty five minutes for my first time out this year was perfect.  I will be super excited to go again because the trail is newly paved which will make for a much smoother roller blade next time out. 

Going to my mom's today, as always, was going to be a challenge.  For some reason, I cannot tell my mom about my healthy eating/weight loss plans.  Moms just tend to get all "mom-like" and I am not sure she will fully understand.  Though I did try to tell her today.  Only she thought I was referring to the dog when I made a reference of "getting too fat".  I tried.

As usual, mom did make some lunch.  I feel obligated to eat meals with her because, 1).  They are always delicious, and 2).  Otherwise she would eat alone.  I think my mom enjoys making meals and having somebody to share them with.  Who wouldn't want that? 

On the menu today was tuna salad followed up with freshly homemade chocolate chip cookies, which has always been one of my biggest weaknesses. 

I was nervous because I really thought that once I opened my mouth to eat at my mom's, it would all be down hill. But it wasn't.  It so wasn't.  I ate a reasonable helping (maybe one cup?) of tuna salad with less than 10 potato chips (I usually eat a ton of potato chips with tuna salad.  In fact, I use the tuna salad as a chip dip).  Then, I had one lone chocolate chip cookie.  Just one.  Yes, success!

Plus my activity has been amazing today.  Its a perfect summer day and I have been running around since 0930.

Intake:
cereal with blueberries
tuna salad with a few potato chips
one cookie
grapes
hot ham and cheese on bun
brown beans
peas, carrots and ranch dressing
more grapes
Freeze pop


Activity
mowed lawn 35 minutes
hiked one hour
roller bladed 25 minutes
 for a grand total of 2 hours!!!!
Not really counted as activity, I took the dogs to the "park" and walked around the baseball field 2 times as well.  Since Missy can't walk, exercise with her is limited.  Poor baby.

Defeating the Candy Drawer From Hell

My challenge for today was babysitting for a friend of mine.  Last time I babysat for her, I ended up in a bingo-o-rama from her snack drawer.  Jelly beans, chocolate, candy of all kinds.  Knowing this, I prepped myself all day long for being at her house for over 8 hours with the candy drawer of temptation.  I even packed my own dinner so I wouldn't be at the mercy of whatever was on the menu for the kids tonight.

That darn drawer has been taunting me from the moment I stepped into the house.  I gave in to temptation.  I ate a handful of jelly beans.  Here's the crazy thing; I don't even really like jelly beans, and as I was eating them, I told myself they weren't even that tasteful.  Yet I continued to eat them up.  Just because I could.

However, last time I was here, I ate about 10 handfuls of jelly beans, followed by several mouthfuls of other candy bits.  This time, it was just one handful.  And still, I have yet to eat chocolate :)  Tonight I defeated the candy drawer from hell.

Also the last time I was here, I stepped on their scale.  That was the scale that read 158 and when I really made my decision to adopt a healthier lifestyle of eating.  Today I stepped on their scale and it read 151!  Seven pounds.  Seven Pounds.  SEVEN POUNDS!  Proof that my hard work and dedication really is paying off.

Intake:
Cereal
cottage cheese, grapes, peas and carrots, 1/2 PB&H (peanut butter and honey) sandwich
freeze pop
turkey and cheese sandwich with spouts and tomato
brown beans
handful of jelly beans.
grapes
Activity:
50 minute walk
played outside with kids

Momentum

Healthy eating on my days off is a challenge.  Its way easier to have pre packed meals to bring to work. It limits temptation (somewhat), and because I am at work, I'm preoccupied with actually performing my job.  So I thought these five days off would be a huge struggle, and it has, just not to the degree that I thought it would be.  For the first time in a while, I had some pretty bad cravings today  though.  On my walk with the dogs, I just kept thinking about eating cookies when I got back to my mom's house.  Instead, I diverted those thoughts to my frozen yogurt that I intend to eat after dinner tonight.

I got my momentum going now, and I want to keep it going.  Its been about 10 days without any chocolate!  Now I see it as a challenge to see just how long I can go without eating chocolate. 

Going out to eat with my mom on a near daily basis has stopped which has been a huge help.  Also, I am eating at my house as opposed to her house.  Instead of filling up on chips and chocolate, I am filling up on fruits and veggies!  Today I actually went grocery shopping again.  I don't remember the last time I ever went twice in one month's time.  Now I am stocked with food to help me keep making these good choices. 

Intake:
Cereal
cottage cheese
grapes
peas and carrots
loaded salad (complete with cucumbers, mandarin oranges, strawberries, carrots, broccoli.  NO salad dressing...I use the juice from the mandarin oranges).

On the menu for dinner tonight is
Hot Ham and Cheese on bun
Beans (Pork N Beans)
grapes


Dessert will be a bowl of Frozen Yogurt.

Activity:
Walked dogs for 50 minutes
Mowed my lawn for 15 minutes
total of 65 minutes.

Keepin' On

Today was probably my best day yet.  Maybe because I am so occupied with my new laptop that I don't have time for much else today. 

Grapes
cottage cheese
carrots, peas, cucumbers

turkey burger with sprouts, tomato and cheese
Mandarin oranges
carrots, peas
Rice cakes

And finally, I opened up that darn frozen yogurt.  It was delicious and I had just one small bowl. 

Also allowed tonight will be one freeze pop.

I hiked with the dogs for 50 minutes.  Though I have not got out roller blading, I feel I have decent excuses.  Too cold.  Too windy. 

Another great day!

Two Steps Forward

The title of this post was going to be "Two Steps Forward, One Step Back", but as you can see, its just "Two Steps Forward".  Today was a true test or maybe more like a final exam.  Thankfully I passed.  I more than passed, I scored a B+ or maybe even an A-.

Since it was my day off, I knew I would be spending time with my mom which is always a gamble.  Sort of like walking down a dark alley in the middle of downtown Minneapolis.  Maybe you survive, maybe you don't, or maybe you just get maimed.  Its a risk at any rate.  Knowing that today could be a challenge for me, I woke up anxious and crabby for what dangers were lurking ahead for me.

The first stop at my mom's house was a huge success.  I went up there to mow their lawn.  While there, I avoided the strawberry shortcake, the cookie jar, and the peanut M&Ms.  I did what I came to do, mowed the lawn, and returned home.  Before heading for home, Mom offered to make lunch later.  I declined saying I might have plans with a friend later.

After a few hours at home, Mom calls to once again invite me up for a late lunch.  Hamburgers and malts.  I accepted the offer this time as my stomach was rumbling so loud it awoke me from my nap.  One rumble lasted a long time causing the cat to jump off the couch.  In other words, I was hungry.  So, I said I would come up for lunch, but the malt wasn't necessary.  Mom said she would make it anyway.

On my drive up to my mom's, that is when I wrote the title of this blog.   I envisioned myself pigging out at mom's which would then "allow" me to have a binge fest once I got back home.  Before even eating at mom's, I already gave myself permission to come back to my own home and dig into that still unopened frozen yogurt.  I was making plans to continue to eat at home, making plans to binge.  Prematurely chalking today up as a failure.  If I fail, I might as well fail Big.

Then, I stopped myself.  I changed my thinking.  I reassured myself that it was OK to eat a Hamburger, and even OK to have a malt.  It wouldn't mean I had failed.  I want to be able to eat a hamburger and malt from time to time.  This isn't supposed to be a restrictive "diet".

Once I got to my mom's, she informed me that she had no ice cream, so no malts.  Whew!  That was actually a huge relief for me to hear.  Then I ate my lunch, took the dogs for a hike, and am now at home binge free!  The potential of today was huge, but I handled it.  This is how I want it to be.  Except I want it to come more easily, and I think it will with time. 

Intake:
Bowl of cereal
apple
hamburger
small helping of potato chips (maybe about 15)
applesauce
freeze pop
bite size sample of carmel apple
few grapes

Activity
mowed lawn = 50 minutes
hike = 40 minutes

Not a horrible day.  Could have been a bit better, but could have been a whole lot worse.

Weigh Day

Today is my weigh in day.  Most Wednesdays I am off from work so Wednesdays will be weigh in days.  This morning I was motivated to get out of bed for the sake of weighing myself, not for the sake of eating.  Guess what?   Three pounds!!  I lost three pounds in one week.  Down to 151 (146 plus 5 pounds on my scale).  Feels GoOd!

My next hurdle is the next few days.  My days off.  There will be lots of temptations, chances to go out to eat, healthy choices to make.  Hanging out at my mom's house is usually a down fall of mine, but I will stay strong and prosper.  I need to remember to listen to my body and eat when hungry.  It has been a weird phenomenon that each time I ate a meal during this last week, I actually felt hungry.  My tummy was growling. It has been a while since I felt hunger before eating.  So, I need to continue to listen.

Also, my activity level is sure to increase during the next few days as well.  My goal is to get out roller blading at least one time in the next 5 days.

Rewards

Before embarking on this journey, I said to myself that if successful I should reward myself.  Its hard for me to find actual rewards because the only thing that I really want to be rewarded with is food, and that is just contradictory. 

I thought about rewarding myself with a new laptop computer, but its hard for me to reward myself with gifts like that because I can go out and get those things without having it be a reward for anything.  If I want it, I can get it.  And I do want it, and I will get it this week. 

I also thought about rewarding myself with new clothing and that might actually work.  However, I have all these really cute clothes that don't fit me.  So my reward will be a natural reward because my too small clothes will hopefully begin to fit me, and it will be like I have a whole new wardrobe. 

Natural  rewards will also come from within.  Already I notice my mood has been upbeat with good energy.  Other factors such as me consistently taking Vitamin D and having an increase in sunshiny days may also contribute to that.  But I really am proud of myself.  Proud of surviving one whole week of eating healthy despite working 3 double shifts.  Yesterday I was faced with a delicious, greasy looking grilled ham and cheese with fries while another coworker ate a delicious looking pie that literally made my mouth water. Yet, I stuck to eating my salad and yogurt. It was satisfying and even delicious in its own way.  In fact, my coworkers mentioned how pretty and good my salad looked.  It made me think that maybe they were jealous of my food rather than the other way around.

Obsessing

About 8 years ago, I attempted this whole diet thing.  I followed the weight watchers program (without actually being a member), and I counted my "points" religiously.  It was a bit of an obsession for me and not necessarily a healthy one. Not sure exactly how much weight I actually lost, but I do know that I got down to 123 pounds.  I had my sight set on reaching 120 pounds and could not quite get there.  I kind of plateaued at 123 and there I stayed for a while.  I was all about the numbers, and when I considered myself a "failure" for not reaching the magical number of 120, I gave up.

I remember the exact moment I gave up on my weight watchers diet back then.  A friend and I went to a Dixie Chicks concert in Minneapolis.  Beforehand, we went out to eat, and I ate some very rich lasagna.  As a result of eating such rich food after not having it for several months, I spent listening to the entire concert in the bathroom of the Target Center while shitting out my brains. 

Because my thinking is usually pretty "black and white" as far as food goes, I spiraled down into negativity after I messed up and ate lasagna.  Now, I know now that eating one meal of lasagna isn't messing up, but back then I considered myself a total failure.  On my drive home from the concert, I participated in one of my biggest binges to date.  I stopped at multiple Dairy Queens, I detoured to various gas stations, not to fill up my tank, but to fill up my pie hole.  That was the end of counting points for me. 

My mission on this journey is going to be a healthy one.  Its going to be more of a lifestyle change rather than a short lived fad diet.  All the weight watchers food is gross, processed, and unhealthy.  They take out all the fat and add in additives, preserves, and fake sugar.  I'd much rather eat nutritious food that helps my body fight off cancers and illnesses.  And still be able to indulge in ice cream or lasagna without feeling like a failure that ultimately starts a binge fest.

Right now, I AM a little obsessive, but to make this work, I have to be obsessed initially.  As you can see from my food intake, I eat a lot.  A lot.  I'm full, I'm satisfied, and surprisingly I have not had any cravings.  Not even for chocolate!  I haven't had chocolate for one week now!  And I still have an unopened carton of frozen yogurt awaiting me in my freezer.  It hasn't called my name, yet, and I am confident that when it does, I will be able to enjoy one helping of raspberry frozen yogurt. 

Today's intake
Grapes, cherries and Cottage Cheese for Breakfast
PB&J, cherries, carrots and peas for lunch
salad and burrito for dinner (to be eaten.  Its packed for work)
Also to be eaten today is an apple and 1 freeze pop.
That's it!  My goal is to stick to this list. 

Its these few hours before going to work that I struggle.  I just ate lunch and I leave for work in 2 hours.  I get nervous that I might get hungry and I get the urge to eat yet another meal before leaving for work.  Instead, I intend to eat a freeze pop, bring an apple to work in case I get too hungry before my dinner break, or else eat it after dinner when I get the munchies before heading home from work. 

Activity  will be limited today, but I have the next 5 days off, and intend to get in some good hikes, possible roller blades, and maybe even an exercise tape! 

Let's Talk Poop

My poop has been sinking in the toilet.  That's good.  Fat floats, so when a person's poop sinks, its a sign of a good diet.  Mine sinks, and its green.  Really green. 

Yesterday's food list:
Cereal with Blueberries
Salad
yogurt
cherries
bean and rice burrito
carrots/pea pods
apple
granola bar
1 serving of rice cakes
1 freeze pop (due to severe sore throat).

No activity other than work ( and I did use the stairs!)

Seeing Results

Its been one whole week today.  I haven't really noticed any real changes.  Except today.  One small improvement happened.

I hate wearing pants for the first time after being washed.  Putting them on feels gross.  They are all tight and stiff and I feel extra heavy on those days.  So I seldom wash my pants/jeans.  I usually wear them 5 or so times before tossing them in the laundry.

This morning I put on a freshly laundered pair of pants to wear to work.  They were far less tight than usual.  They slid on more easily, and I didn't feel as though they had been painted on me, and I can still breathe when I sit down.  By no means are they loose, but they certainly are not as tight as they had been before! 

Small improvements.  Off to work I go!

One Week (almost)

As you can probably tell by my past blog entries, my food situation has been decent.  Decent, but boring.  I have been rotating the same three meals for the past five days.  One of the reasons for this is because I have been working doubles all weekend long, so those are the meals I chose to prepare to eat at work.  It beats going to the cafeteria, is healthier as well as cheaper. 

The other reason why the meals have been so repetitive is because I'm a dummy in the kitchen.  I don't know what else to buy at the grocery store.  In part because I hate grocery shopping and want to get out of there as quick as possible, but laziness also plays a part.  I'm too lazy to figure out what other ingredients I can buy to prepare fun, new, healthy meals. 

If I don't switch it up soon, I am going to get bored living on salads, burritos, cottage cheese, and turkey sandwiches. 

But like I said, I have been at work and that is what is quick and easy to bring to work.  It will likely be my weekend meal ritual and that will be fine, but what about the remainder of the week. 

So, my goal on my days off is to find at least 3 new healthy, simple meals I can make for myself.  If you have ideas, please share!  I'm sure there is a fun website out there; I just haven't had the time to sit and research it out.  If you know of a website or any fun new meals I could try, leave me a comment below :)

So, tomorrow is another double shift for me.  I will post my goals for tomorrow today
1).  Eat only what I bring to work
2).  Take the stairs
3).  Attempt to walk at lunch

By the way, tomorrow will be ONE WHOLE WEEK of healthy eating! 

S.O.F.A.

You know when people tie the arms of their sweaters/sweatshirts around their waists?  I do that.  I do that mostly at work because I have poor temperature regulation (no, it isn't my thyroid.  Its been checked) and I get hot and then cold while at work.  Not to mention that work itself has poor temperature regulation to add to the discomfort.  So I like to keep my sweater with me around my waist for easy access when I get cold. 

But I wear it for another reason.  A reason of self consciousness.  Its my S.O.F.A. Sit On Fat Ass.  I wear it to hide what is underneath.  Granted it probably accentuates the bigness of my butt, but it helps me hide my tummy which really looks pregnant in the right shirt.  Or at least I think it hides my tummy.  I'm not really brave enough to look, but it helps me believe its hidden. 

We sometimes have to carry around a clipboard at work and I don't mind carrying that thing around, because I use it as a shield.  When I sit down, I place the clipboard in front of my abs and let it all hang out.  I try to be cautious about my belly and suck it in when I can.  The problem is that it is getting more and more difficult to suck in.  So I use the shield and my S.O.F.A as camouflage. 

Anyway, I had another good day today!  Hopefully soon I won't have to wear the S.O.F.A. as a means of hiding what I have, but rather just as a sweatshirt I need in case I get chilly.

Intake:
cereal with blueberries
Bean and Rice Burrito
cherries
few veggies with ranch
one mini cream puff (I am particularly proud of this one because I was at my mom's house and she had those delicious cream puff things.  They are SO GOOD.  Before eating JUST ONE, I took a mindful approach.  I stopped.  I asked myself if I was hungry.  I even peeked at the serving size and calorie count to learn that one serving size was 6 cream puffs for 290 calories.  After doing the math, I found that one cream puff is only 48 calories, so I thought, what the hell.  I ate one.  I ate it very mindfully.  I carefully took a few bites, chewed slowly, and ENJOYED it.  In the past, I would have devoured that thing faster than a blink of an eye).

Afterwards, I decided to use my McDonald's coupon for a Real Fruit Smoothie.  I have done well, I was actually famished and it will serve as a large portion of my dinner.
The night is young so I do plan on eating a more balanced dinner than just the smoothie.  My plan is to have 1/2 turkey sandwich, fruit, and cottage cheese for dinner.  If I stray, I will update as needed.

Also, I went for a 45 minute walk after work today.  I also mowed my lawn (15 minutes).  For a total of ONE HOUR!

Yet another successful day!

One Jelly Bean

I worked another double yesterday.  In the midst of a bunch of Birthday snacks at work, my goal for yesterday was to avoid the counter that transforms into a trough for any occasion at work.  No matter how minor.  Birthdays, Baby Showers, Marriages, House Warmings, Last Days of Work, Last Day before going on Vacation, First Days back from Vacation, Leftovers from whatever gathering someone had the night before, Just Because, Someone has the Sniffles, Someone stubbed their toe, etc, etc, etc. 

We are constantly inundated with Food at work.  Its always there right in the middle of all the action.  Where it is easy to just grab a small bite, which for most everybody, swells into another and another and another.  Our default food area is literally at the hub of our work area. People take phone calls, do their charting, and basically unavoidably walk through that room several times a day.  Its a perfect passage point.  To be faced with all that food in your face throughout hours of a stressful day on the job, is cruel and unusual punishment to those who are trying to be healthy and make healthy food choices.

However, in the face of the Birthday Bash that was yesterday, I did it.  I achieved m goal of no Birthday snacks.  I did cave and had ONE LONE JELLY BEAN, and a piece of cantaloupe, but other than that, I stuck to my guns.  It wasn't even that difficult a thing to do, really.  One little jelly bean.  Just one.

Intake:
Cereal with blueberries
ONE JELLY BEAN
a piece of cantaloupe
salad with turkey, veggies, and ranch dressing
yogurt
apple
bean and rice burrito
rice cakes (1 serving)
veggies with ranch dressing
cottage cheese

Yet another GrEaT day!  My only problem is that since I have been doing doubles, my activity level has been NIL, but that will come.  Food first, then add in more activity.  Surviving stressful doubles with excellent eating in the face of devilish temptation has been challenging enough. 

AND I DID IT! 

Impatience

Usually when I work like crazy, my healthy food choice ability suffers.  I have been working several days in a row with doubles thrown in for good measure.  Usually that is when I am prone to at work pig outs followed by a before bed bowl of cereal when I get home. 

I'm proud to say that on my double yesterday, I stayed strong, and well, and conquered the day.  The major downfall is that I didn't get any activity other than the usual work activity which can actually add to a lot of steps.

When I got home from work last night, I was a little frazzled, and had to be back this morning for more fun and games on 3MHU.  I wanted a bowl of cereal reallllllly bad.  Not that a bowl of cereal would be horrible, but I really want to break that habit of having that bowl of cereal after work right before I go to bed.  I had a brilliant idea on my ride home:  Have a glass of milk!  So, when I walked in the door, I was super excited to have a few cherries and drink my milk in place of the cereal I so badly wanted, and it satisfied me! 

This is where I start to grow impatient because I have been doing amazingly well for the past 3-4 days now, and in my mind, I should see some results.  So I stepped on the scale only to find I was 2 pounds heavier than a few days ago.  Shit!  Immediately, self defeating thoughts rumble through my brain:  "Nothing is working", "I might as well start binging, none of this is healthy eating crap is working", "I'm gaining weight on good-for-me food when I could be eating chocolate and cookies", etc, etc.  

The bowl of cereal began calling my name once again when I stopped myself.  My rational brain took over and reminded myself that I was weighing myself after just 3 short days, a lot of factors were to be taken into account including the fact that I was weighing myself at night and not in the morning.  I thought I'd turn into bed and see what became of the morning weigh in. 

I weighed myself this morning and found I had LOST ONE POUND!  Its only one pound, but hey, its something!!!  I'll take it.  One pound in 3 days, that is about the perfect healthy weight loss goal, isn't it?  They say like 2 or 3 pounds a week, right?  So, this is good.  This is good. 

My goal for today is to avoid the food in the office.  We are having a Birthday celebration on the day shift for a coworkers Birthday and everybody brings delicious snacks.  I will allow myself to have one, but only one, snack.  That will be dangerous because one usually leads to a ton, but not today.  Today will be one.

Intake from yesterday (on a double shift at work).
Cereal with blueberries
granola bar
yogurt
turkey and cheese sandwich (alfalfa sprouts)
bean and rice burrito on whole wheat tortilla
carrots
grapes
small bite of an unsatisfying cookies (I resisted taking more bites later that night by eating an apple instead!)
apple
cherries
Milk (NO CEREAL)!

I may be impatient, but I need to keep it up.   Not only for weight loss, but for general health and well being. 
When I have more time to blog, I will write about changes/notices I see by just a few days of eating healthy.

Broken Rule

OK, so I have to modify one rule.  I said no food at the computer, and I am going to change that to no meals at the computer, except breakfast on work days.  To be ever efficient, I like to do my computering whilst eating cereal to save time in the mornings before work.  Plus, I just ate a healthy bowl of fruit while on the computer as well, and I figured that a reasonable snack is OK to have while computing.  Plus, because I am multi tasking, I automatically slow down when eating so it actually serves somewhat of a purpose.  However, I don't want to eat meals at the computer because it does not generally slow me down and it makes eating a little less mindful, and right now I have to be mindful about it.

Since I have to work in the morning, I am going to try to set my goals for tomorrow, today. 

1).  Eat only the food I bring to work. 

2).  Take the Stairs!

3).  Slow down when eating

4).  Attempt to walk during lunch break.  Sometimes this is not doable due to unexpected work issues.

What is kind of cool about this list is that I didn't even add to it the eat reasonable/no binging thing.  One could argue that it is implied, but I think I have a basic handle on it.  Don't get me wrong, its only been 3 days of good eating, right now I have healthy food available; and when I have it available, I usually make those healthy choices.  Yeah, its definitely implied.

Portion Control

Food is such a social entity.  Its what people do when they get together and hang out.  We go out for lunch, we go out for ice cream, and sometimes we go out for both.  And I don't want that to change.

My problem is that I have a lot of friends who I do those things with, and so I have days of the week where each day is yet another day of going out to eat.  Plus I am not known to be a super star in the kitchen, and prefer to take the easy way out by going out to eat.  Fries on every menu is hard to turn down. 

I still want to be able to go out to eat with friends.  I still want to be able to go to the Dairy Queen and grab a blizzard.  I still want to be able to go to a buffet from time to time.  Of course, there are healthier choices a person can make off of most menus, but to be faced with fried and greasy goodness is difficult to pass up.  Its like putting a needle in front of a junkie.  Yet, going out to eat is a large part of my life. 

Before my next trip out to eat, I need to come up with a game plan.  Maybe split the meal.  Or eat half and take the other half home.  Portion sizes, especially in restaurants, are crazy.  In other countries, so called doggie bags do not exist because portion sizes are reasonable and patrons are able to finish their entire meal without feeling like exploding at any moment. 

Americans have a very distorted view of what healthy portion sizes are, and its something both me and my stomach need to get accustomed to.

Addiction

Addiction runs deep within my family unit.  Alcohol, gambling, drugs, cigarettes all affect almost every member of my family.  Why should I be any different?  My drug of choice is food.  It wasn't until pretty recently that food became such a focal point in my life.   Food gets me excited.  Gives me comfort.  And fills an empty void.  I'm not really an emotional eater, per se, but I can see that I have tendencies to do so.  I tend to eat out of boredom and loneliness. 

People may not necessarily look at me and think that I have a food addiction, but it is real.  Food consumes almost every waking thought I have and even follows me into my dreams.  Getting out of bed in the morning is generally motivated by eating a bowl of cereal.  If it weren't for food, some days I would stay in bed until God knows when. 

I go through the day planning when I can eat next and what I will eat.  I sneak food at work, and just so nobody sees me eat it, I will take a bathroom break to shove it in my mouth as quickly as possible, not even tasting what it is I just ate.  Sometimes I will eat my healthy looking dinner in front of coworkers only to eat unhealthy behind their backs.  Its shameful and guilt inducing.   Before going out to a restaurant for lunch or dinner, I will eat enough to take the hunger out of my stomach.  Then eat a large meal only to come home and binge on whatever I have in the house.  Living just blocks from a Dairy Queen is not very helpful either as it is a quick and easy fix. 

So yes, my food addiction is real.  My binges are real.  On only one occasion did I purge.  It has actually been a while since I had a full fledged binge.  I just need to now recognize hunger, learn to embrace hunger, and satisfy hunger in a reasonable manner. 

The difference between a drug/alcohol addiction and a food addiction is that a person can theoretically stop "cold turkey".  Or rather, if they decided to beat their addiction, they would never have their drug or alcohol again.  With food, we need food to live so we can't stop "cold turkey".  We need to learn to use our drug in such a way that it doesn't harm us.  Its a very tough spot to be in.  If I never needed to eat again, I might be able to struggle less.  Its when I begin to eat that I can't stop. 

This is my day 3, and though I have had 3 successful days in a row, don't think it hasn't been without a struggle.  Its a tough battle.  I'm hoping that within a few days/weeks food won't consume all my thoughts, and making healthy choices will come more easily. 

Slowing Down

Since I have to be to work so freaking early, it is hard for me to establish daily goals.  Maybe I'll have to establish them the day before.  Even though I did not write them down, I did have mental goals for myself today.

1).  As always:  Don't binge and eat reasonably

2).  Slow down and take a "sip and a breath"

3).  Eat only the food I brought with me to work

So far its another successful day!  When eating lunch today and also dinner tonight I had to consciously remind myself to slow down.  Though I didn't follow the "sip and a breath" after each bite, I slowed down taking sips of water or milk after every few bites.  During dinner, I caught myself on two occasions putting another biteful of food in my mouth before the first biteful was chewed and swallowed.  I was mindful of it and stopped it which is awesome. 

Today's Intake:
Bowl of cereal with blueberries
Turkey and cheese sandwich with alfalfa sprouts and tomato on whole wheat bread
yogurt
apple
beautiful salad including broccoli, sugar snap peas, carrots, chicken and ranch dressing
cottage cheese.
Freeze pop.
Bowl of fruit (grapes, cherries blueberries)
1/2 serving (6) rice cakes.

That is what is for dinner tonight!

Activity:
About 50 minutes of mild hiking.

So another decent day was had by me.  Hope I can keep on keepin' on.

A Sip and a Breath

Food is in the house, ya'll.  Food.  I hate grocery shopping, but I went today.  Though I bought all good-for-me foods, they still call out my name.  My main goal is to lose weight in this whole new journey, but ultimately I need to change my eating habits all together.  Even binging on grapes is not a healthy eating habit.  The binge behavior is what is detrimental, and I always rationalized that it was OK because it was grapes or fruit or freeze pops.  But a binge is a binge.  And that behavior has to stop. 

So having food in the house, even healthy food, is dangerous for me. I know its there.  I know I have to eat it or else it goes bad making me throw food in the garbage.  Even though my stomach is stuffed, I want to eat more. 

Another thing that has to stop is the manner in which I eat.  I eat so fast.  I need to slooooooow dooooown.  Seriously.  Today I was in a rush most of the day so I really ate my food quickly today.  I didn't even really taste it.  You are supposed to take a "sip and a breath" in between each bite of food, and let me tell you, that is a challenge for me. 

Previously I had listed distracting activities when I felt a binge coming on, and I did them tonight.  Only I ate a few grapes in between running down the stairs to fold the laundry, and my bowl of fruit was scarfed down while I browsed Facebook.  So I was eating WHILE doing the distracting tasks.  Not so helpful. 

My new rule is no eating at the computer. 

Once again, using this blog has helped to prevent a binge tonight.  My danger zone is almost over, I have laundry to fold, and a bath to take so I think it will be another bingeless night.  I'm learning while documenting my challenges and successes, and I have accountability in this blog.  Even though nobody really reads it, I have taken it very seriously.  So far this has been my most effective tool for accountability and personal awareness.  Go me.

Resisting Temptation

Here I am in the Danger Zone again, and the beginning of a binge is happening.  However, I will make it stop now.  I recognize it and I acknowledge it and I have the power to make it stop. 

Overall, it hasn't been a bad day.  I accomplished all of my goals and then some. 

My goal of not eating at my friend's house was hard, but I did it.  Mostly.  I had to feed her kids lunch which was Macaroni and Cheese.  I resisted eating a bowl of it, but I did sample one bite which adds up to less than 10 noodles covered in that fake powered cheese shit.  When searching for utensils and bowls, I came across a stash of Hershey Kisses.  Oh, how they called to me, but I silently closed the door they were hiding behind and pretended I never saw them.

By the time my friend came home, I was starving.  Really hungry.  Seldom do I let myself get that hungry because it is so uncomfortable.  I wanted a quick fix so I called a friend of mine to go out to lunch.  She didn't answer the phone which turned out to be a good thing because then it made me go grocery shopping.

On the way back into town, I passed so many delicious and fast temptations including McDonalds, Culvers, Subway, you name it.  My downfall isn't usually Fast Food, but when I am that hungry and lazy, I will succumb to those temptations.  However, I drove by each and every food joint on my way to the grocery store.

I don't think I bought anything bad for me at the grocery store.  Fruits, veggies, and rice cakes.  Yes, rice cakes!  What the fuck!?  But I bought them.  The big question was do I buy Ice Cream or not.  I compromised and bought myself some frozen yogurt which still remains miraculously untouched in my own freezer as I type this :)

Food Intake Today:
Bowl of Cereal
Tiny bite of Mac-n-cheese
Turkey and Cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread with alfalfa sprouts and tomato
grapes
small helping of cottage cheese
4 peanut M&Ms (but I resisted the cookies in the cookie jar at my mom's house!)
bowl of fruit (blueberries, grapes, bing cherries)
12 Rice cakes (one serving)
1 freeze pop

Not bad!  It seemed like a lot of food, but as I write this down, I see that damn, I ate healthy today!!!!  At first I thought I had a failure day, but holy shit, I was SUCCESSFUL again!!!!!!!

Also, I walked for 60 minutes today.  I even took my heart rate on my hike and it was up there.  My heart was pumping so I classify my walk today as moderate exercise.  Plus, I played outside with the kids I was babysitting for about an hour as well. 

So it was a damn good day.  I accomplished all my goals and it feels good.  My tummy is certainly full so I intend to not let another piece of food beyond these lips tonight.  Water or Milk will do. 

Two successful days for me!

Proof is in the Pictures

OK, so I did a scary thing.  Very scary.  And I am going to put it out on the internet for all the world to see.  Since this is a super secret blog from my friends, I feel comfortable putting it all out there.  While getting dressed this morning, I thought I'd snap a shot of my tummy.  People do not believe me when I say that I look pregnant.  I have never been, and never will be, pregnant, but I sure look like I could deliver in just a month or two.  There are pregnant people out there who are not even as big as I am and they get the joy of a bouncing baby.  I just get......bouncy.

Anyway, to fully prove, and to fully document this new journey of mine, I will be brave and share raw pictures of my abdomen.  Usually I camouflage the bulge beneath my shirt by choosing non revealing clothes and sucking in whatever I can.  So here goes:

In my PJs.  One could swear a baby was being baked.  No such luck.

This just illustrates that there is no baby, but just pure fatness. 

I'd like to take a picture of my belly on the 1st of each month.  Hopefully it will be shrinking.  Your eyes are safe for another 30 days or so.

Day 2: Numbers

On to Day 2.  I did it.  I stepped on the scale this morning.  Pre breakfast, post pee.  My scale is actually 5 lbs off so I always have to add 5 lbs to whatever number my scale comes up with.  My scale read 149 which means I weigh 154.  Officially that is only 4 pounds over the recommended weight for my height.  Doable.  Totally doable.  I can do this.  Ideally I would like to lose 20-25 pounds.  Even 14 pounds would be better than where I am now.  So here I go on to day 2.

My goals for today are simple:
1).  Step on the scale (accomplished).

2).  No binging.  Eat reasonably

3).  No eating at my friend's house.  I am going to babysit for a friend of mine today and I know where she keeps her not-so-secret stash of candy.  Usually stocked with M&Ms, one of my weaknesses.  Usually I end up in a binge at her house eating more than my fair share of chocolate goodness.  My goal is to not eat at her house while I am there today.  At all. 

4).  I should add on here to go grocery shopping, but I don't know if I want to solidify this one onto a list.  But looks like I just did.  OK, Grocery Shopping is officially on this list.  Man, how I HATE grocery shopping......

I'm afraid my activity goals for this week may not be achieved.  Its a busy week with lots of work days which makes squeezing in additional exercise a little difficult.  But I am not giving up all hope yet.  Besides, if I can just work on my eating habits, I'll be doing something that is even more successful for me than exercising since I generally do a decent amount of exercise. 

Alright, stay tuned for Day 2 updates.  My new favorite thing to do is to update my blog on my progress throughout the day, and I think this has been one of my most favorite tools of accountability.  It was pure brilliance to make blogging a tool for my weight loss.  Brilliance I tell you!