I had been doing wonderfully at the gym. Was going nearly every day missing only a total of like four days in about a 4 week time period. Though I wasn't seeing ANY results with my weight, I remained consistent and hopeful.
Then the pox happened. I got the chicken pox rendering me unable to attend the gym at the moment. I was sick, but am now just itchy and contagious so am homebound for the remainder of this week....if not longer.
However, I hopped on the scale today, and discovered I lost 3 pounds. Mostly that is from not eating for 3 days while I was sick, and is likely to come back on now that my appetite is back. Especially because the gym is off limits for the moment.
Can't wait to get back on the elliptical.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Getting Grey
After work today, I had pretty much decided that I would not go to the gym. Too tired. Too much to do. You know the drill.
Then, I finished everything I needed to do and decided to go! Just 1/2 hour, but I went. Felt good.
Sometimes I get into this all-or-nothing thinking where I think I can't go to the gym because I don't have time or whatever because in my mind, I have to go for a long time or not at all. Today I decided to be in the grey and go for just a little bit. Not white (going for a long time), and not black (not going at all), but grey. Right in the middle.
If this is going to be a success, I need to have more grey days. A 1/2 hour is easy breezy and so doable. Better than 1/2 hour than not at all.
I have gone to the gym 5 of the past 6 days. A personal goal is to go 1/2 hour on days I work and 45-an hour on days off with at least one 60 minute day a week and no more than 2 days off a week. However, I have to be careful because it doesn't have to be these goals or nothing. Its just something to strive for.
Then, I finished everything I needed to do and decided to go! Just 1/2 hour, but I went. Felt good.
Sometimes I get into this all-or-nothing thinking where I think I can't go to the gym because I don't have time or whatever because in my mind, I have to go for a long time or not at all. Today I decided to be in the grey and go for just a little bit. Not white (going for a long time), and not black (not going at all), but grey. Right in the middle.
If this is going to be a success, I need to have more grey days. A 1/2 hour is easy breezy and so doable. Better than 1/2 hour than not at all.
I have gone to the gym 5 of the past 6 days. A personal goal is to go 1/2 hour on days I work and 45-an hour on days off with at least one 60 minute day a week and no more than 2 days off a week. However, I have to be careful because it doesn't have to be these goals or nothing. Its just something to strive for.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Gym-ing it
Three of the past Four days I went to the gym! Quite proud of that. I can see myself a longer term member once my 2 week free membership is up.
That's it. Just a quick little ditty to say: "I did it! I did it! I said to the crowd, Going to the Gym makes me feel.....PROUD!"
That's it. Just a quick little ditty to say: "I did it! I did it! I said to the crowd, Going to the Gym makes me feel.....PROUD!"
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Accomplishing
Yesterday I succeeded in using my 2 week free pass at Anytime Fitness. I signed up for the 2 weeks with the idea of joining after the 2 week trial. I even went there today! Only 20 minutes, but still.....its a start.
I was pleased to learn that my insurance company will reimburse $20 of the membership fee if I go 8 times a month. Originally I thought it was 12 times a month, which was slightly overwhelming for me to think about. So when I heard it was only 8 times, I jumped for joy and did a little happy dance.
Anytime Fitness is kinda cool cuz you can go.....anytime! Weekends, holidays, midnight.....whenever. Kinda neat.
Also, they have TVs on all of their machines so you can wear ear buds and watch any of the local programming. Pretty cool. I kind of prefer the TV to music so that is a big draw for me. It will be very "easy" to be on the elliptical while watching an hour long program which means I will have been exercising for one hour instead of the sitting-on-the-couch alternative.
Yup, I can do this. I intend to weigh myself tomorrow morning and then head to the gym! Here I go!
I was pleased to learn that my insurance company will reimburse $20 of the membership fee if I go 8 times a month. Originally I thought it was 12 times a month, which was slightly overwhelming for me to think about. So when I heard it was only 8 times, I jumped for joy and did a little happy dance.
Anytime Fitness is kinda cool cuz you can go.....anytime! Weekends, holidays, midnight.....whenever. Kinda neat.
Also, they have TVs on all of their machines so you can wear ear buds and watch any of the local programming. Pretty cool. I kind of prefer the TV to music so that is a big draw for me. It will be very "easy" to be on the elliptical while watching an hour long program which means I will have been exercising for one hour instead of the sitting-on-the-couch alternative.
Yup, I can do this. I intend to weigh myself tomorrow morning and then head to the gym! Here I go!
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Fighting the Shame
I'm so disappointed I let myself get to where I am. And I am ashamed I have to start all over again, but
I'm holding my own. Eating decent. Things could always always be better, but baby steps for now. Its been a successful few days.
I have been working a lot so have not had a chance to check out Anytime Fitness, but that is on my list of things to accomplish this week. That and to weigh myself and face reality. Stay tuned.
I'm holding my own. Eating decent. Things could always always be better, but baby steps for now. Its been a successful few days.
I have been working a lot so have not had a chance to check out Anytime Fitness, but that is on my list of things to accomplish this week. That and to weigh myself and face reality. Stay tuned.
Friday, September 6, 2013
On a Good Note
Feels good to get one successful day under my belt. Sometimes that first day is just what ya need to make the next day a successful one as well. I didn't get any exercise in today, unless watching my neighbor repeatedly run sprints up the hill in front of my house counts. However, my food was well controlled and quite healthy with the exception of the lovely daiquiri I am slurping down as I type this out. Forgive any typos or slurred words.
With that, I will enter tomorrow on a little bit better note than I entered today.
With that, I will enter tomorrow on a little bit better note than I entered today.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Preparing
My whole life I have felt as though I am standing still while life goes on around me. I see all of my friends move on, have marriages and families, real jobs (as in Monday-Friday), and just....grow. Me? I stay the same.
Right now ALL of my friends are doing something to better themselves. Most have decided to go back to school and are in college. The others are bettering themselves by losing weight and getting fit. Me? I sit on the couch and eat ice cream while watching old clips on Youtube of Days of our Lives. While petting cats, of course!
Yes, I do have a lot of control over all of that. Yes, I too, could go to college. But I don't wanna. Nor do I have the motivation or the smarts to do that. Plus, I am doing JUST FINE doing what I am doing. I'm leading a good life, happy, and I have what I need.
Where I am not happy is my weight and body image. So I have decided to focus on that for bettering MYSELF. Now that all of my friends with whom I mostly hang out and do things are busy with their work and school schedules, I will have some more down time to focus on "fitness". Not that time was lacking before, but I certainly cannot fill my extra time with food and television. CANNOT. This upcoming week, I intend to join Anytime Fitness (I found out it will only be $9 a month provided I go 12 times a month.....talk about motivation) and am beginning to get mentally prepared to make the very necessary food changes.
I've been here, in this mind set, Many Times Before. This fight is a huge challenge, and one I do not intend to give up on anytime too soon. Here is to a better ME.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Off and Running
Its been a while. A long while. And things are not good. I'm back......back, back, back all the way to square one. So far back, that my square one may be even better than where I am at right now. I haven't weighed myself for quite some time, but I know that I am up to my original weight when I first started blogging, and could possibly be even higher than that.
A recipe of binging, ice cream, and little exercise in combination with the crummiest weather ever has made for packing on the pounds. I'm not happy.
Really
Not
Happy.
Each day I do try (some days I try harder than others), and each day I fail (some days I fail worse than others).
But something happened today that was very similar to what happened when I first started blogging. Not sure what it is or how I can achieve that when I want to tap into it. But it is a burst of motivation. A step in the right direction. A sense of change. A sense that today is the first day. Again.
Again.
This odd feeling came over me and I found myself going for a "run" today. I don't like running, but I had this need to run. It was a starting kind of run. The kind where you walk for a block, run for a block, run, walk, run, walk. Only for 20 minutes. But I did it.
And I'm hoping to do more of it. I really want today to be day #1. I NEED it to be.
A recipe of binging, ice cream, and little exercise in combination with the crummiest weather ever has made for packing on the pounds. I'm not happy.
Really
Not
Happy.
Each day I do try (some days I try harder than others), and each day I fail (some days I fail worse than others).
But something happened today that was very similar to what happened when I first started blogging. Not sure what it is or how I can achieve that when I want to tap into it. But it is a burst of motivation. A step in the right direction. A sense of change. A sense that today is the first day. Again.
Again.
This odd feeling came over me and I found myself going for a "run" today. I don't like running, but I had this need to run. It was a starting kind of run. The kind where you walk for a block, run for a block, run, walk, run, walk. Only for 20 minutes. But I did it.
And I'm hoping to do more of it. I really want today to be day #1. I NEED it to be.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Afterall, Tomorrow is Another Day.
Today was going to be THE DAY. Again. How many times have I been here now? Too many, quite frankly. But today was going to be different. It is the first of the month; Its a Monday. What could make for a better formula for success?
So I prepared myself for the past week or so. Trying really hard not to binge on "my last days", and just mentally preparing myself. I weighed myself yesterday. I hung a new calendar on my closet door with tangible and realistic goals written on it with the further expectation of recording my healthy intake, exercise, and overall mood.
My weight has climbed again. Just 6 measly pounds shy of my heaviest weight ever. In case you need reminding, that means I am now at 152. In a size 12. Barely.
Yup, today was going to be the day.
Was.
Was.
My goal for this week was rather simple. No eating out. This including no sneaking snacks from my job which has been increasingly difficult to resist.
I woke up this morning with confidence, and a little bit of excitement to start on this journey again. All was going well at work. I brought my lunch (not the best....a PBJ with yogurt), I had my dinner all ready to go (again, not the greatest...leftover ham dinner). I even brought an emergency snack for work when my munchies hit. Yup, what a great set up for success!
Then something happened. I don't know what. Around 1:30, I got that predictable snack attack. I remember going through so many different thoughts and emotions until I finally gave in, and instead of reaching for my clementines, I reached for the fruit snacks. From work. That led to another pack of fruit snack. Then it led to a bag of fritos. Then to a piece of Dove Chocolate. Then another piece of Chocolate. Its that uncontrollable, I gotta eat now-I gotta have it kind of mentality. I failed today.
But with my failure, came one small success. Once home, I had that "I already screwed up, I might as well go big" mentality. I wanted a blizzard. Bad like. All those self sabbatoging and rationalizing thoughts came and went. And came again.
Instead, I took a bath and read a book (all this at 6:00 tonight). Once I was disrobed, I wouldn't leave my house to go get ice cream. Until I remembered that I could go through the drive through (hmmmmmm......). But no, I didn't. I am ice cream free.
Tomorrow will be here before I know it, and I can try again. Same goal. Different day. Different results too! After all, tomorrow is another day......
So I prepared myself for the past week or so. Trying really hard not to binge on "my last days", and just mentally preparing myself. I weighed myself yesterday. I hung a new calendar on my closet door with tangible and realistic goals written on it with the further expectation of recording my healthy intake, exercise, and overall mood.
My weight has climbed again. Just 6 measly pounds shy of my heaviest weight ever. In case you need reminding, that means I am now at 152. In a size 12. Barely.
Yup, today was going to be the day.
Was.
Was.
My goal for this week was rather simple. No eating out. This including no sneaking snacks from my job which has been increasingly difficult to resist.
I woke up this morning with confidence, and a little bit of excitement to start on this journey again. All was going well at work. I brought my lunch (not the best....a PBJ with yogurt), I had my dinner all ready to go (again, not the greatest...leftover ham dinner). I even brought an emergency snack for work when my munchies hit. Yup, what a great set up for success!
Then something happened. I don't know what. Around 1:30, I got that predictable snack attack. I remember going through so many different thoughts and emotions until I finally gave in, and instead of reaching for my clementines, I reached for the fruit snacks. From work. That led to another pack of fruit snack. Then it led to a bag of fritos. Then to a piece of Dove Chocolate. Then another piece of Chocolate. Its that uncontrollable, I gotta eat now-I gotta have it kind of mentality. I failed today.
But with my failure, came one small success. Once home, I had that "I already screwed up, I might as well go big" mentality. I wanted a blizzard. Bad like. All those self sabbatoging and rationalizing thoughts came and went. And came again.
Instead, I took a bath and read a book (all this at 6:00 tonight). Once I was disrobed, I wouldn't leave my house to go get ice cream. Until I remembered that I could go through the drive through (hmmmmmm......). But no, I didn't. I am ice cream free.
Tomorrow will be here before I know it, and I can try again. Same goal. Different day. Different results too! After all, tomorrow is another day......
Friday, January 11, 2013
One of Those Days
Ever have one of those days that is filled with self loathing? No matter what you do or how much you try to tell yourself that those thoughts are "irrational", it doesn't seem to make a difference?
Yeah, its one of those days for me.
Perhaps its the gloomy weather. Perhaps its too much time alone. Whatever it is, if I look in the mirror one more time today, I might just have to take a sledge hammer shattering its reflection. Not happy with anything relating to my appearance, but not particularly ambitious enough to make those changes I can make. AKA lazy.
So, instead, I sit with my bowl of ice cream while comparing myself to everyone around me which is the most unproductive thing I could possibly do.
I have had a 2 day binge fest that has included about 6 bowls of ice cream....not an exaggeration.
I'm trying to make small, daily commitments, but have been failing at them. Daily. I do not know how to win this battle. Despite growing more and more discouraged, I do not intend to give up.
Yeah, its one of those days for me.
Perhaps its the gloomy weather. Perhaps its too much time alone. Whatever it is, if I look in the mirror one more time today, I might just have to take a sledge hammer shattering its reflection. Not happy with anything relating to my appearance, but not particularly ambitious enough to make those changes I can make. AKA lazy.
So, instead, I sit with my bowl of ice cream while comparing myself to everyone around me which is the most unproductive thing I could possibly do.
I have had a 2 day binge fest that has included about 6 bowls of ice cream....not an exaggeration.
I'm trying to make small, daily commitments, but have been failing at them. Daily. I do not know how to win this battle. Despite growing more and more discouraged, I do not intend to give up.
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