Tomorrow has come......again.

Its finally arrived, that ever elusive day.  Tomorrow has come......again.  For the past month or so, I kept telling myself "tomorrow".  Tomorrow I will begin again......tomorrow I will do better.....tomorrow.....  Well, its here. 

Because I am always starting "tomorrow", every single "today" has been a binge fest.  Its like I am back at square one only with a bit of a head start.  Yeah, its been a bad month that has included a midnight drive through at Taco John's, a cookie fest, ordering out with a soda and dessert after every meal, ordering out way more than once a week, a buffet, a cereal-a-thon, ice cream galore, and virtually no exercise.  All that is going to change, again, today.

Not sure how or where it all happened, but I do know that somewhere in there my thinking changed.  I reverted back to old habits, and was getting a bit obsessed with numbers again.  Speaking of numbers, I gained 3 pounds on this month tirade, which isn't really horrible.  Step one today was stepping on that scale (notice I didn't do a blog entry last week?  Yeah, that was me giving myself permission to go crazy for this last week, and go crazy I did).  So here we are on WWD, now officially day ONE again. 

I'm at 142 now, and my goal is to be below 140 again.  Ideally 134 is a good number.  So I really only need/want to lose 5-8 pounds. 

However, I want to still go for ice cream, still go to the buffet, still order dessert, and maybe still go through a drive through every now and again.  I need to make allowances or else I end up going crazy.  I love food!  AND THAT IS OK.  I just need to do it once a month rather than once a day or even once a week. 

So here we go again.  Happy Tomorrow, which is really Today.

Its BaaaaaaAaaaack!

When this whole healthy diet thing started, the first few days, or maybe even weeks, was really difficult because I would get cravings for ice cream, chocolate, or anything yummy.  Once I really got into it, the cravings subsided, and eventually disappeared for the most part.  Sure, I would get a hankering every now and again, but I didn't have that unsatisfied feeling every time after I ate a meal.  You know, the kind that says You. Must. Have. Dessert. 

Yeah, that feeling is back.  Hard core.  Since I rediscovered food, I now get that craving for a sweet snack following any meal.  Its a sweetness and a craving that is only solved with indulging it. 

So tonight, after an edgy day at work, I found myself abandoning my after work walk (which would have been a helpful stress reliever).  Dinner was rather healthy and even included a salad and veggies.  After dinner, that familiar craving appeared.  I thought about running through the McDonald's drive through for yet another McFlurry, but instead I texted a friend inquiring about a Cold Stone run. 

She didn't answer for some time, and I started blogging in attempts to thwart the calls of the ice cream.  I figured it was a sign that I shouldn't give in to that craving.  And to help thwart that effort even more, I considered taking a bath so that if/when she responded, I would be in my jammies and not in the mood to go. 

I didn't take that bath in time.

She responded and off to Cold Stone we went.  Ohhhh, it tasted mighty fine.  I'm hoping this satisfies that craving for quite some time, but I am afraid it may just reinforce that craving possibly making it stronger.

I'm unmotivated and weak at the moment.  Not a good combination for fighting off sinful urges.

Rediscovering The Good Stuff

A bad thing has happened.  I have rediscovered food.  It is so good!  But really so bad..... Several restaurant meals out this week including an impromptu trip through the McDonald's drive through to get myself a McFlurry.  I wanted so badly to go back the next night for another McFlurry, but did resist that urge.  Fries, Ice cream, Burgers, you name it. 

Plus I have stopped recording my activity each day, and lately I have uttered that all too familiar phrase, "I will start tomorrow".  Allowing myself "days off" has now turned into weeks off.  And I am struggling to find that ever elusive "tomorrow".

Its hard.  Its oh so hard.

Still, I'm holding my own as far as my weight goes.  Still below my magic number.  Also, I am doing fair at keeping up with decent activity levels.  And for all the horrible choices I made, I also made decent ones (like salad instead of fries, and the strength to NOT return to McDonald's). 

Not sure where to go from here.  I guess I have to go back to basics and start with a little tiny goal. 
So, tomorrow, I will record my food and exercise (on my IPhone app).  Yes, tomorrow.

Ringing in the New Year......

The New Year started off with a bang.  For most people, they make those resolutions to start eating healthier, and, for the most part, the are able to keep that resolution for a week or so.  Well, I didn't make a resolution, but just wanted to keep on this journey that I started last June.  That being said, my New Year has been anything but successful. 

December 31st was a blast!  Lots of good food and lots of good drinks.  Also lots of calories, I am sure, but it was very worth it and there are no regrets there at all.   I took January 1st off.  Off from exercising; off from documenting my food intake.  Just off.  January 2nd I worked a double where I found myself raiding the bingo box (though only 2 pieces of candy this time), but then I overindulged in the chocolate/peanut trail mix someone brought to share.  Needless to say, no exercise that day.

Yesterday I have a hankering for pizza.  So I got one.  Oh boy, was I excited to eat that!  It was so delicious.  In and of itself, that wasn't bad, and my day would have been successful.  Then I had a serious overindulgent of ice cream.  Huge bowl.  HUGE bowl.  I stayed uncomfortably stuffed for hours.

Even after all of those mini-binges, it is way better than I used to do pre-June.  My "bad days" are not nearly as bad as what I used to do and they are pretty few and far between.  Pre June that was just a normal day.  So what used to be normal for me is now my new marker for "bad".  Improvement.

Today, January 4th, is going to be a good day.  A day of self control and healthy choices.

Happy New Year!