Getting Grey

After work today, I had pretty much decided that I would not go to the gym.  Too tired.  Too much to do.  You know the drill.

Then, I finished everything I needed to do and decided to go!  Just 1/2 hour, but I went.  Felt good.

Sometimes I get into this all-or-nothing thinking where I think I can't go to the gym because I don't have time or whatever because in my mind, I have to go for a long time or not at all.  Today I decided to be in the grey and go for just a little bit.  Not white (going for a long time), and not black (not going at all), but grey.  Right in the middle.

 If this is going to be a success, I need to have more grey days.  A 1/2 hour is easy breezy and so doable.  Better than 1/2 hour than not at all.

I have gone to the gym 5 of the past 6 days.  A personal goal is to go 1/2 hour on days I work and 45-an hour on days off with at least one 60 minute day a week and no more than 2 days off a week.  However, I have to be careful because it doesn't have to be these goals or nothing.  Its just something to strive for.

Gym-ing it

Three of the past Four days I went to the gym!  Quite proud of that.  I can see myself a longer term member once my 2 week free membership is up.

That's it.  Just a quick little ditty to say:  "I did it!  I did it!  I said to the crowd, Going to the Gym makes me feel.....PROUD!"

Accomplishing

Yesterday I succeeded in using my 2 week free pass at Anytime Fitness.  I signed up for the 2 weeks with the idea of joining after the 2 week trial.  I even went there today!  Only 20 minutes, but still.....its a start.

I was pleased to learn that my insurance company will reimburse $20 of the membership fee if I go 8 times a month.  Originally I thought it was 12 times a month, which was slightly overwhelming for me to think about.  So when I heard it was only 8 times, I jumped for joy and did a little happy dance.

Anytime Fitness is kinda cool cuz you can go.....anytime!  Weekends, holidays, midnight.....whenever.  Kinda neat.

Also, they have TVs on all of their machines so you can wear ear buds and watch any of the local programming.  Pretty cool.  I kind of prefer the TV to music so that is a big draw for me.  It will be very "easy" to be on the elliptical while watching an hour long program which means I will have been exercising for one hour instead of the sitting-on-the-couch alternative.

Yup, I can do this.  I intend to weigh myself tomorrow morning and then head to the gym!  Here I go!

Fighting the Shame

I'm so disappointed I let myself get to where I am.  And I am ashamed I have to start all over again, but
I'm holding my own.  Eating decent.  Things could always always be better, but baby steps for now.  Its been a successful few days.

I have been working a lot so have not had a chance to check out Anytime Fitness, but that is on my list of things to accomplish this week.  That and to weigh myself and face reality.  Stay tuned.

On a Good Note

Feels good to get one successful day under my belt.  Sometimes that first day is just what ya need to make the next day a successful one as well.  I didn't get any exercise in today, unless watching my neighbor repeatedly run sprints up the hill in front of my house counts.  However, my food was well controlled and quite healthy with the exception of the lovely daiquiri I am slurping down as I type this out.  Forgive any typos or slurred words.

With that, I will enter tomorrow on a little bit better note than I entered today.

Preparing

My whole life I have felt as though I am standing still while life goes on around me.  I see all of my friends move on, have marriages and families, real jobs (as in Monday-Friday), and just....grow.  Me?  I stay the same.

Right now ALL of my friends are doing something to better themselves.  Most have decided to go back to school and are in college.  The others are bettering themselves by losing weight and getting fit.  Me?  I sit on the couch and eat ice cream while watching old clips on Youtube of Days of our Lives.  While petting cats, of course!

Yes, I do have a lot of control over all of that.  Yes, I too, could go to college.  But I don't wanna.  Nor do I have the motivation or the smarts to do that.  Plus, I am doing JUST FINE doing what I am doing.  I'm leading a good life, happy, and I have what I need.  

Where I am not happy is my weight and body image.  So I have decided to focus on that for bettering MYSELF.  Now that all of my friends with whom I mostly hang out and do things are busy with their work and school schedules, I will have some more down time to focus on "fitness".  Not that time was lacking before, but I certainly cannot fill my extra time with food and television.  CANNOT.  This upcoming week, I intend to join Anytime Fitness (I found out it will only be $9 a month provided I go 12 times a month.....talk about motivation) and am beginning to get mentally prepared to make the very necessary food changes.

I've been here, in this mind set, Many Times Before.  This fight is a huge challenge, and one I do not intend to give up on anytime too soon.  Here is to a better ME.