After several weeks of staying at a plateau, I finally broke the 20 pound mark! Despite an emotional last week, despite a lack of exercise, and despite not the best food choices, I lost yet another 2 pounds!! Just one pound away from my original goal weight of 135, I now weigh in at 136 for a total of 22 pounds lost!
Actually, after my "screw up week", I have been doing better and making way better choices. My emotions are back in check. I am both amazed and proud that I have allowed myself to fuck up and not end up in a complete disaster where I ultimately sabotage myself, which has been my pattern in the past. Thus far, I have been able to get back on track after each screw up. A friend made a good point and brought it to my attention that perhaps I have been this successful BECAUSE of the weak moments, and I am thinking that maybe that is true.
So now I am living life beyond 20. Beyond a 20 pound weight loss. Go me!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
What a Week
Another week has passed, but this was more than just any ol' week. This past week was probably one of my most emotional weeks, for reasons not fully known to me, since I began this whole journey. A true test for an emotional eater.
It started with a marathon at work, working a bazillion shifts and doubles. It ended with a children's Birthday party where I was the only child-less person there. It got me thinking hard core about what I am missing with the whole parenting thing. For a moment, I found myself just watching and wondering what my little kid would be doing at such a fun gymnasium Birthday party. I watched all the other parents jumping on the trampoline, laughing, with their little human. Parents crawling through big blow up dragons, parents jumping in a soft sponge pile, parents enjoying their role. All the little kids yelling for their parent to "watch me!" And all of a sudden I felt lonely answering yet another "How are your cats" question.
In between the work marathon and the Birthday party, was just raw emotion. Tears fell willingly and unexpectedly for no real reason.
To fill the lonely void, I did find myself reaching for food. Cereal became my new best friend, but because I was so aware of my desire to fill my empty void, I limited myself to just one bowl of cereal at night.
Then ice cream started calling. Loudly. I found myself at Walgreens purchasing some good ol' Ben & Jerry's. Just a pint. Ben and Jerry became my therapist for the next 3 days. Not bad; one pint in 3 days. It could have so been gone in just one day, but it did last 3 full days.
Also during this week, exercise has been minimal. It wasn't until a friend convinced me to go for a brisk walk did I come out of this funk. Reinforcing how crucial exercise is for my spirit. It is crucial. Now, today, I sought out exercise and got in a whopping 70 minutes!
So, this Wednesday Weigh Day was sure to be horrible. Certainly one pound would have found its way back on my butt. Oddly when I stepped on the scale I found that I had LOST one pound! WTF?! In disbelief I stepped off and back on again and found what I had thought to be true. One pound gained. I reweighed myself about 4 times all to find the same result: one gained pound.
Then I pooped. So I hopped on the scale again, and it said I lost one pound again. I reweighed myself once again with the same reading so I considered that good. Yup, I lost another pound so am down to 138, but it isn't a solid 138 as it fluctuated up and down so much this morning. Either way, my weight didn't suffer just for one emotional week of screwing up royally.
On the upswing now. Keeping "moderation" in the back of my mind. Moderation at work and at home. Too much of anything is not good.
It started with a marathon at work, working a bazillion shifts and doubles. It ended with a children's Birthday party where I was the only child-less person there. It got me thinking hard core about what I am missing with the whole parenting thing. For a moment, I found myself just watching and wondering what my little kid would be doing at such a fun gymnasium Birthday party. I watched all the other parents jumping on the trampoline, laughing, with their little human. Parents crawling through big blow up dragons, parents jumping in a soft sponge pile, parents enjoying their role. All the little kids yelling for their parent to "watch me!" And all of a sudden I felt lonely answering yet another "How are your cats" question.
In between the work marathon and the Birthday party, was just raw emotion. Tears fell willingly and unexpectedly for no real reason.
To fill the lonely void, I did find myself reaching for food. Cereal became my new best friend, but because I was so aware of my desire to fill my empty void, I limited myself to just one bowl of cereal at night.
Then ice cream started calling. Loudly. I found myself at Walgreens purchasing some good ol' Ben & Jerry's. Just a pint. Ben and Jerry became my therapist for the next 3 days. Not bad; one pint in 3 days. It could have so been gone in just one day, but it did last 3 full days.
Also during this week, exercise has been minimal. It wasn't until a friend convinced me to go for a brisk walk did I come out of this funk. Reinforcing how crucial exercise is for my spirit. It is crucial. Now, today, I sought out exercise and got in a whopping 70 minutes!
So, this Wednesday Weigh Day was sure to be horrible. Certainly one pound would have found its way back on my butt. Oddly when I stepped on the scale I found that I had LOST one pound! WTF?! In disbelief I stepped off and back on again and found what I had thought to be true. One pound gained. I reweighed myself about 4 times all to find the same result: one gained pound.
Then I pooped. So I hopped on the scale again, and it said I lost one pound again. I reweighed myself once again with the same reading so I considered that good. Yup, I lost another pound so am down to 138, but it isn't a solid 138 as it fluctuated up and down so much this morning. Either way, my weight didn't suffer just for one emotional week of screwing up royally.
On the upswing now. Keeping "moderation" in the back of my mind. Moderation at work and at home. Too much of anything is not good.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Worth it
A delayed Wednesday Weigh Day blog post. I have been working TONS. Tons, I tell you. So I haven't really had time to give my usual update. However, I DID have time to weigh in on Wednesday and once again have stayed exactly the same.
But because I have been working 23286 shifts in a row, I haven't had a whole lot of time to do other very important maintenance things including grocery shopping and exercising. That being said, I haven't done horribly. Actually, I only bought food from the cafeteria ONE time during all of that, which is still pretty amazing. It was the first time since in May that I have ordered food from the work cafeteria so that in itself is quite admirable.
Even so, I could have made way better choices in the cafeteria. Instead of getting the very delicious looking salad, I got the equally Delicious looking pizza slice. (Interestingly, a coworker put back her sandwich opting for pizza after I made the decision to get pizza.) And because I got the pizza slice, I put back the carton of milk I had in my hand, and got a tall bubbly glass of Cherry Coke (which was my crack just a few months ago). And because I had that for lunch, I had myself a nice bowl of cereal when I got home from work, which is also the first time I have done that since this whole thing started.
Initially I though that now it is going to be all down hill from here, but I know that is not the case. First and foremost, I need to get me to the grocery store and fetch me some good food. Secondly, I need to get my body moving during these next 3 (only 3) days off even if that means resorting to Richard in the basement. Thirdly, I need to continue making good choices. And I will.
For the record, that piece of pizza and pop was sooooo worth it :)
But because I have been working 23286 shifts in a row, I haven't had a whole lot of time to do other very important maintenance things including grocery shopping and exercising. That being said, I haven't done horribly. Actually, I only bought food from the cafeteria ONE time during all of that, which is still pretty amazing. It was the first time since in May that I have ordered food from the work cafeteria so that in itself is quite admirable.
Even so, I could have made way better choices in the cafeteria. Instead of getting the very delicious looking salad, I got the equally Delicious looking pizza slice. (Interestingly, a coworker put back her sandwich opting for pizza after I made the decision to get pizza.) And because I got the pizza slice, I put back the carton of milk I had in my hand, and got a tall bubbly glass of Cherry Coke (which was my crack just a few months ago). And because I had that for lunch, I had myself a nice bowl of cereal when I got home from work, which is also the first time I have done that since this whole thing started.
Initially I though that now it is going to be all down hill from here, but I know that is not the case. First and foremost, I need to get me to the grocery store and fetch me some good food. Secondly, I need to get my body moving during these next 3 (only 3) days off even if that means resorting to Richard in the basement. Thirdly, I need to continue making good choices. And I will.
For the record, that piece of pizza and pop was sooooo worth it :)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Should Wins
Often, it is hard to keep motivation and momentum going. There is a constant dialogue between what I want to do vs. what I should do.
I want to just lie in bed a while longer VS. I should get up and get moving.
I want to sit on the computer all day long VS. I should get something done around the house.
I want to have a couch day VS. I should get out and hike the dogs.
I want to have a ginormous piece of cake VS. I should have only a sliver.
I want a second portion of whatever food VS. I should only have one helping.
I want to go out to eat VS. I should make something at home.
You get the drift. Lately, the shoulds have won those competitions. I'm hoping that pretty soon the shoulds will turn into wants, but its still a bit of a fight.
I want to just lie in bed a while longer VS. I should get up and get moving.
I want to sit on the computer all day long VS. I should get something done around the house.
I want to have a couch day VS. I should get out and hike the dogs.
I want to have a ginormous piece of cake VS. I should have only a sliver.
I want a second portion of whatever food VS. I should only have one helping.
I want to go out to eat VS. I should make something at home.
You get the drift. Lately, the shoulds have won those competitions. I'm hoping that pretty soon the shoulds will turn into wants, but its still a bit of a fight.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Sweeter Things
This past week, I have allowed way more sweets/treats/snacks than previously allowed. Instead of listing those things in which I resisted (there were a lot!), here are the things I indulged in:
BUT, my scale did NOT climb!! I stayed the same. In part because between all that strawberry shortcake was a lot of veggies, fruit, and whole grains. In part because I pushed myself to head out for hikes even on days I didn't wanna. In part because I used that magical thing called "moderation". The day I had my first piece of strawberry shortcake, I SO wanted a second piece, but I resisted, and had only the one piece. The day of the Better than Sex cake, I wanted a whole ginormous piece, but took just enough for about 3 or 4 bites, and it satisfied me. I was proud; I am proud.
Finally, I get it. Finally I realize that it really is all about moderation, healthy eating, and exercise. I really CAN eat a treat every now and again without having to increase my jean size. Its about balance and self control. I think I finally got it!
- 2 restaurant meals, one including french fries.
- about 4 pieces of strawberry shortcake
- a tiny sliver of Better Than Sex Cake
- a large peanut butter M&M cookie (from the cookie lady)
- Many uncontrollable handfuls of chocolate granola/nut mix
BUT, my scale did NOT climb!! I stayed the same. In part because between all that strawberry shortcake was a lot of veggies, fruit, and whole grains. In part because I pushed myself to head out for hikes even on days I didn't wanna. In part because I used that magical thing called "moderation". The day I had my first piece of strawberry shortcake, I SO wanted a second piece, but I resisted, and had only the one piece. The day of the Better than Sex cake, I wanted a whole ginormous piece, but took just enough for about 3 or 4 bites, and it satisfied me. I was proud; I am proud.
Finally, I get it. Finally I realize that it really is all about moderation, healthy eating, and exercise. I really CAN eat a treat every now and again without having to increase my jean size. Its about balance and self control. I think I finally got it!
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