I remember the first time I noticed, REALLY noticed, I was getting bigger. It happened about 8 months ago or so when I went to a play with a friend. I wore a dress that was a bit too small, but by sucking in my stomach, I could make it work. In fact, I may have even duct taped myself. I have been known to do that. Use duct tape to keep it all in. It works, but is pretty uncomfortable.
Anyway, duct tape or no duct tape, the dress did not fit ideally. We took pictures before the play and when I saw my image, I saw for the first time what I look like to others. Granted the dress wasn't helping matters any since it was from the 90's and did not do my body any justice. Still, it opened my eyes.
Then, just the other day, I had to get a new photo for my name badge at work. I have always had a thin face, regardless of my body size, but this photo emphasized my weight gain in my face. This particular photo is quite telling which kind of motivated me to start this blog. It was the moment that I thought I had better do something before it gets too far out of control.
One of the kids at work today made a comment that resonated with me as well. I haven't seen this particular patient for a few months, and he looked at me and said, "You look different". Now, this could mean a bunch of different things, and this kid is low functioning to begin with. However, kids are not only very aware of their surroundings, but they are very honest with their perceptions. I translated that comment to mean "You got fatter". He may not have meant that by any means, but if it helped me to have a good day today, that is how I will interpret it.
So, yes, pictures ARE worth a thousand words.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Baby Steps
Day one has come and is almost gone. Bedtime is approaching quickly and I survived the Danger Zone. I did have one more freeze pop, but only one more. All the commercials on TV for Applebees and Dominoes made me hungry and normally I would have gone to the cupboard to grab myself a bowl of cereal which ultimately leads to another bowl and sometimes leads to yet another bowl. But not tonight, and you wanna know why? Because of the blog! True Facts. I kept thinking I would have to blog about it if I ate that bowl of cereal so I didn't. This has to be the first night in months that I didn't eat a before bedtime bowl of cereal. Months. Its the small steps that lead to success and I count that as one little baby step. Though my food intake could be way better nutrition wise, I ate reasonably today. Day one was a binge free day. I made reasonable choices. I really can't ask for more.
Tomorrow I intend to step on the scale. Its scary, but if I want to track this accurately, I have to take that next baby step and baby step up onto the scale. I have avoided that scary contraption in my bathroom for far too long and must face the numbers.
More than the actual numbers, I just want to again be able to wear my favorite jeans. It pretty sad that my once "fat pants" are now getting too tight.
Tomorrow Came and hopefully will continue to come!
Tomorrow I intend to step on the scale. Its scary, but if I want to track this accurately, I have to take that next baby step and baby step up onto the scale. I have avoided that scary contraption in my bathroom for far too long and must face the numbers.
More than the actual numbers, I just want to again be able to wear my favorite jeans. It pretty sad that my once "fat pants" are now getting too tight.
Tomorrow Came and hopefully will continue to come!
The Danger Zone
Though I have already chalked my day up to "success", the day is not over. In fact, I am approaching my most dangerous time of day. The time of day where most of my binge activity happens (between 6-8 PM). Usually this is the time that I am most bored and TV is not very appealing.
Since I love to blog, I figured that I could do a daily entry around this time if I am at home. That way it will keep my hands busy, my mind busy, and I get to focus on two things I love a lot. Blogging and Food.
So far, this blogging tool has proven helpful. At work today, as I was walking at my lunch hour, I couldn't wait to get home to write about it in my blog. Then when I consciously took only 5 M & M's today, I thought, "Yes! A positive thing to add to my blog"! And I did. So I am doing things with purpose so that I can share on this blog. Eating only one cookie today for me was huge. But like I said, the next few hours will be the toughest. However, I am getting a very small taste of success today and it feels good. Success is something I have not felt for a while and I'm hoping to keep it going for a while. This blog is meant to help keep that going. It will serve as a reminder of what I did that worked, what I did that didn't work, and my journey will be documented for me to refer to whenever I need to.
In addition to blogging, I need to find other distracting activities that will aid in keeping me binge free. I have already eaten my dinner and my snack so I should be good for the rest of the evening. I may allow one more freeze pop, though. They are handy because they take a while to eat, and are not that high in calories.
Anyway, more distracting activities could include doing an exercise tape (today, because it is raining), or any other form of outdoor activities, housework (there is always dishes and laundry to be done), brush the cats, chew gum, play cards, cross stitch, play on the internet, etc, etc, etc. Yes, there are tons of distracting activities, its putting them to use that matters.
So be prepared for several entries. Especially as I embark on this journey.
Since I love to blog, I figured that I could do a daily entry around this time if I am at home. That way it will keep my hands busy, my mind busy, and I get to focus on two things I love a lot. Blogging and Food.
So far, this blogging tool has proven helpful. At work today, as I was walking at my lunch hour, I couldn't wait to get home to write about it in my blog. Then when I consciously took only 5 M & M's today, I thought, "Yes! A positive thing to add to my blog"! And I did. So I am doing things with purpose so that I can share on this blog. Eating only one cookie today for me was huge. But like I said, the next few hours will be the toughest. However, I am getting a very small taste of success today and it feels good. Success is something I have not felt for a while and I'm hoping to keep it going for a while. This blog is meant to help keep that going. It will serve as a reminder of what I did that worked, what I did that didn't work, and my journey will be documented for me to refer to whenever I need to.
In addition to blogging, I need to find other distracting activities that will aid in keeping me binge free. I have already eaten my dinner and my snack so I should be good for the rest of the evening. I may allow one more freeze pop, though. They are handy because they take a while to eat, and are not that high in calories.
Anyway, more distracting activities could include doing an exercise tape (today, because it is raining), or any other form of outdoor activities, housework (there is always dishes and laundry to be done), brush the cats, chew gum, play cards, cross stitch, play on the internet, etc, etc, etc. Yes, there are tons of distracting activities, its putting them to use that matters.
So be prepared for several entries. Especially as I embark on this journey.
Goals
Its officially Tomorrow which means its real and I start now. Today. Tomorrow is Today. I neglected to write my goals in the last post so I will include them here.
Activity Goal:
In addition to walking the dogs on a near daily basis, my goal is to do an extra 3 days of moderate exercise including: roller blading, running, video tape workout, biking, etc.
Food Goal:
No binging. Simple as that.
Weight Goal:
Ideally I would like to get to 130, but I would be over the moon with 135. Lets see if I can achieve that by my Birthday in November. Sounds realistic I think.
Daily Goal for Today:
Eat Reasonably. No binging.
Today, my food intake is:
Bowl of cereal.
Granola Bar
PB & J Sandwich
1 peanut butter cookie (mom's. Usually I eat 5 or more)....
5 peanut M & Ms (usually its like 5 handfuls so big improvement)...
Freeze pop (green)
Better Cheddar (basically a cheese hotdog) on light, wheat bun
1/2 small can of mandarine oranges
Milk (I am trying to drink more milk to help fill me up fuller).
Snack Pack Pudding (me needs me my chocolate).
My activity today included a very purposeful walk at lunchtime that I estimated to be about 10 blocks including walking up four flights of stairs. Though I did not walk the dogs today, I did mow my own lawn plus my parents' lawn. I only mowed 1/2 their lawn due to strong winds and threatening clouds looming above.
Overall, I chalk this day up to success!
Activity Goal:
In addition to walking the dogs on a near daily basis, my goal is to do an extra 3 days of moderate exercise including: roller blading, running, video tape workout, biking, etc.
Food Goal:
No binging. Simple as that.
Weight Goal:
Ideally I would like to get to 130, but I would be over the moon with 135. Lets see if I can achieve that by my Birthday in November. Sounds realistic I think.
Daily Goal for Today:
Eat Reasonably. No binging.
Today, my food intake is:
Bowl of cereal.
Granola Bar
PB & J Sandwich
1 peanut butter cookie (mom's. Usually I eat 5 or more)....
5 peanut M & Ms (usually its like 5 handfuls so big improvement)...
Freeze pop (green)
Better Cheddar (basically a cheese hotdog) on light, wheat bun
1/2 small can of mandarine oranges
Milk (I am trying to drink more milk to help fill me up fuller).
Snack Pack Pudding (me needs me my chocolate).
My activity today included a very purposeful walk at lunchtime that I estimated to be about 10 blocks including walking up four flights of stairs. Though I did not walk the dogs today, I did mow my own lawn plus my parents' lawn. I only mowed 1/2 their lawn due to strong winds and threatening clouds looming above.
Overall, I chalk this day up to success!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Here I Go. . . . .
This is meant to be my super secret blog that I don't plan on sharing with anybody I know personally. Its my more personal blog dedicated to my food addiction. Yes, I have one. Since I am not very good at keeping a log of the food I eat during the day, I figured I would keep an online log of my intake and also my activity level. Hopefully I am more prone to do it online than on a piece of paper. We'll see.
Every day is another failed tomorrow for me. That is, I set myself up for "tomorrow, I will eat better", "tomorrow, I will exercise more", "Tomorrow.......", but for me, tomorrow never comes. Its always tomorrow. Except I want that to change. Which is why Today is now my Tomorrow. Because Tomorrow I was supposed to start this blog, but I did it Today. Off to a good start.
Let me start by saying, this is likely not going to be a blog of interest or of humor. Simply, it is a tool for me and my weight loss and my healthy eating habits. I will document my goals, my daily consumption, my activity, and *gasp* my weight.
For starters: I am around 5'5'' and weight almost 160 pounds depending on the scale I use. The last scale I used said 158. Unsure what my house scale reads as I don't step on it. Today I was supposed to. Maybe Wednesday if I remember. By no means am I obese, but I am a food addict and I eat constantly. I love food. It is my best friend and my worst enemy. So, though I am not morbidly obese, I do have an eating disorder and a food addiction.
Today was not a bad day, food wise for me. Here is what I ate:
Hamburger with pickle, tomato and French dressing
Chips
Baked Beans
Applesauce
Malt
5 peanut butter cookies
That was lunch. Then:
snack pack pudding
3 chicken strips
about 6 freeze pops
glass of milk
No activity today :(
That is about it. Not a horrible day for me. But I can do better. And I will do better. Tomorrow.
Every day is another failed tomorrow for me. That is, I set myself up for "tomorrow, I will eat better", "tomorrow, I will exercise more", "Tomorrow.......", but for me, tomorrow never comes. Its always tomorrow. Except I want that to change. Which is why Today is now my Tomorrow. Because Tomorrow I was supposed to start this blog, but I did it Today. Off to a good start.
Let me start by saying, this is likely not going to be a blog of interest or of humor. Simply, it is a tool for me and my weight loss and my healthy eating habits. I will document my goals, my daily consumption, my activity, and *gasp* my weight.
For starters: I am around 5'5'' and weight almost 160 pounds depending on the scale I use. The last scale I used said 158. Unsure what my house scale reads as I don't step on it. Today I was supposed to. Maybe Wednesday if I remember. By no means am I obese, but I am a food addict and I eat constantly. I love food. It is my best friend and my worst enemy. So, though I am not morbidly obese, I do have an eating disorder and a food addiction.
Today was not a bad day, food wise for me. Here is what I ate:
Hamburger with pickle, tomato and French dressing
Chips
Baked Beans
Applesauce
Malt
5 peanut butter cookies
That was lunch. Then:
snack pack pudding
3 chicken strips
about 6 freeze pops
glass of milk
No activity today :(
That is about it. Not a horrible day for me. But I can do better. And I will do better. Tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)